Why don
- Thread starter Tony
- Start date
Bartram
Brand HBCUbian
yeah, and this in small town/rural Alabama. i can just imagine what's up in places like Atlanta, Houston, DFW, D.C./Baltimore, Los Angeles.Tony said:
There's a wild card though, and that's interracial relationships. I'm telling you, i'm seeing more sistas say "fugg it" and get wit white guys. I can't tell you how many couples (black female with white males) I have seen at my local mall-uuh-i mean Walmart Supercenter. It's incredible.
Man I saw dis one sista come around the corner DIS mug was so fine i had to take my glasses off and wipe my eyes and when i put dem back on i saw a white dude wit a little fair skinned, sandy haired crumb snatcher in the buggy come from around the corner and consult her about something. ok, ok, so dude and her were military (i assume. he had a crew cut, looked like a clean cut army guy). I'm near a military base and we have lots of that,, but still! enough already with the sistas blasting black successful males for getting wit pink toes like it's only the black male who leaves the race for a relationship. It's across the board now days and the sistas are doing it more than the brothas for crying out loud!!
dacontinent
Preacher
T-Made, this is not the first time this subject has come up on TSPN. And I don't know your full particulars and they are none of my business at this point. I will make the following generalization: Most people who get their first divorce do so because they do not collectively appreciate how difficult marriage is...and they get tired of trying. If you think separating Siamese twins is diffucult then it is child's play compared to fusing to completely different people together...or even to people with lots of similarities.Taylor-Made'90 said:
When a couple comes to me to ask me to perform their marriage rites, I have a rule: don't spend a dime or a minute to plan your wedding until counseling is complete. Why? Because you might just find out through counseling that you don't want to marry this person at all. This is to avoid the very type of scenario described in Springs earlier post.
Taylor-Made'90 said:
I am certainly glad for you and Erica. Divorce is not the end of the world nor necessarily the end of a marriage. I know that because I happen to know several couples who divorced each other and later remarried...including my pastor at the time - with 5 years in between. Marriage IS ordained by God and He does hate divorce. That's not changed and not going to. There is also scripture that gives proper reasons for divorce. It is an incredibly painful thing for all involved...and the pain is enough of a deterrent for some people.
My encouragement to readers of this thread is simply work hard at your marriage. If you are not yet married, commit to working at and make sure that your intended has that same commitment. The only time that you will be married to the same person with whom you exchange vows is at the time of the vows. BOTH OF YOU WILL CHANGE AND YOU BOTH MUST BE COMMITTED TO LIVE AND WORK TOGETHER THROUGH THE CHANGES.
Someone here said that DIVORCE was sometimes necessary. That?s true & Biblical.Just because you love someone doesn?t mean you should marry them. But you should love the one you marry. Not just today or tomorrow but forever. Marriage is a continual work in progress, & the minute you start being selfish & unappreciative of the fact that someone voluntarily chose to deal with your stank arse then that?s the beginning of the end. You can ignore problems for only so long. Everyone will change, but it?s ?will we change together? that?s optional. Marriage can?t run on auto pilot. Pay attention!, Be good to yourself & others.
~Here & Now?
~Here & Now?
Brief Overview :
Is Any Divorce Acceptable?
In a general sense, God allows only three reasons for the dissolution of a marriage.
? The first reason is obvious?death of one of the individuals in the marriage. See Romans chapter 7, verse 2 (Romans 7:2).
? The second reason is adultery or immorality on the part of one of the individuals (Matthew 5:31,32 19:9, and so forth).
? The third reason appears in First Corinthians 7:12-16. (Note that when Paul wrote ?I say, not the Lord? in that passage, he did not say that this was not from God, but rather that Jesus had never addressed this topic Himself.) Here Paul states that ?if the unbeliever departs? ("Departs, Hmmm.., that's is so interesting!) the Christian is not ?under bondage.? The same concept is used again in verse 39 where the clear context of being ?under bondage? was that you could not remarry. As a rule of hermeneutics, you allow the author to define the terms by what is stated in other areas of the same document. This is the author?s intended meaning. Thus, a Christian is not bound to their marriage if the unbeliever leaves them. Wow! leave how? Can a person leave Mentally, Spiritually, while there Physically... I think so.
Is Any Divorce Acceptable?
In a general sense, God allows only three reasons for the dissolution of a marriage.
? The first reason is obvious?death of one of the individuals in the marriage. See Romans chapter 7, verse 2 (Romans 7:2).
? The second reason is adultery or immorality on the part of one of the individuals (Matthew 5:31,32 19:9, and so forth).
? The third reason appears in First Corinthians 7:12-16. (Note that when Paul wrote ?I say, not the Lord? in that passage, he did not say that this was not from God, but rather that Jesus had never addressed this topic Himself.) Here Paul states that ?if the unbeliever departs? ("Departs, Hmmm.., that's is so interesting!) the Christian is not ?under bondage.? The same concept is used again in verse 39 where the clear context of being ?under bondage? was that you could not remarry. As a rule of hermeneutics, you allow the author to define the terms by what is stated in other areas of the same document. This is the author?s intended meaning. Thus, a Christian is not bound to their marriage if the unbeliever leaves them. Wow! leave how? Can a person leave Mentally, Spiritually, while there Physically... I think so.
Taylor-Made'90
I'm 'Citrix SSO' batch!!!
SU's Finest '93 said:
:tup: Fa sho.
Taylor-Made'90
I'm 'Citrix SSO' batch!!!
Vinita said:
Thanks, Nita.... :tup:
MsJag4Jag
Moderator
Obra: I commend you for realizing your situation and coming to a reasonable agreement on the solution. It is not easy for people to stay together when things are not flowing right and it is not easy for them to separate.
Sometimes people marry too fast and don't have time to know enough about their marriage partner. When the find out the truths about each other, they are sometimes overwhelmed and don't want to be a part of that type of situation. I am not saying you did...Just in general.
Sometimes people marry too fast and don't have time to know enough about their marriage partner. When the find out the truths about each other, they are sometimes overwhelmed and don't want to be a part of that type of situation. I am not saying you did...Just in general.
ATLJag
Active Member
If I may go off on a tangent for a moment.....
I believe one of the worst things that a married person or married couple can do is to compare themselves with other married couples. Things happen in their own time and what works for Mr. and Mrs. Smith may not work for Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Additionally, the grass always tends to be greener on the other side. The thing is that you don't know exactly what had to go down in order for them to obtain and maintain that green grass. Every "happy" couple that you encounter may not truly be happy, so assuming that a couple is doing "great" because they have a new home or a child on the way in a recipe for disaster. You never know what is going on behind closed doors.
With that being said, one of the many issues in my marriage was that my ex often unfairly judged us against her married friends when we were very different from them in almost every category. That was not the reason why we split, but it was a contributing factor.
I believe one of the worst things that a married person or married couple can do is to compare themselves with other married couples. Things happen in their own time and what works for Mr. and Mrs. Smith may not work for Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Additionally, the grass always tends to be greener on the other side. The thing is that you don't know exactly what had to go down in order for them to obtain and maintain that green grass. Every "happy" couple that you encounter may not truly be happy, so assuming that a couple is doing "great" because they have a new home or a child on the way in a recipe for disaster. You never know what is going on behind closed doors.
With that being said, one of the many issues in my marriage was that my ex often unfairly judged us against her married friends when we were very different from them in almost every category. That was not the reason why we split, but it was a contributing factor.
Fortitude
Sybarite
Good deal!buckwheat1911 said:This was a good discussion! I think that this was a lot of therapy and helped some people deal with their divorce! But for real, this discussion has taught me a lot and will make me really work on being happy in my marriage and keeping my wife.
Marriage is work.buckwheat1911 said:This was a good discussion! I think that this was a lot of therapy and helped some people deal with their divorce
:lol:
:tup: Good deal team.
If you don't keep your wife happy. Trust me It'll always be somebody else
that'll be glad to.
LadyLuck13
Chocolate Rain
Some people are CO-DEPENDENT. Sad... :shame:
ATLJag
Active Member
J4J said:
Actually, what she failed to realize what that we as a couple were different that her friends who were married. We were all around the same age, but they had been married anywhere from 5-10. We were still newlyweds trying to get stuff together. Her main issue in terms of that is that she would feel left out when there would be get-togethers or what have you in her hometown and everyone would be there with their husbands and children while we were still childless. We initially agreed that we would wait until she finished grad school before we had children, but I guess that wasn't soon enough for her and I think she resented me for not wanting to have children before that point. Hell, I was thinking about our situation. There is never really a "perfect" time to have children, but if the mother is working full-time and going to school at night while the father is working at a seasonal job and still trying to get a permanent one, then having a child may not be a good idea at that moment. Some people may disagree with that, but I felt that we had to get our house in order first. I never said that I never wanted to have children, but I think she flipped once she reached 30 and still hadn't had her first child yet.
The other issue is that I wasn't like her friends' husbands to begin with. They were all blue-collar men who were basically seen and not heard in the household(no offense to blue-collar men). While we were in Baton Rouge, she never understood why I didn't just try to get a job at the plant or in a warehouse like so-and-so did. Well, she knew when we married that I had an English degree, planned on going on to graduate school, and worked in corporate/office environments. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, but I don't see where aspiring to get an MBA instead of just doing 12-hours days at the plant for 30 years was wrong. Once again, no offense to the men who do that, but that was not the path that was on.
We had a house, so we were straight as far as that went compare to her friends. However, since her friends always had more education that their husbands it was always assumed(sometimes incorrectly)that they were "smarter" and therefore should have the run of the household. I honestly did love my wife, but not enough to let her emasculate or otherwise allow her to treat me as though my input was not needed or was less valuable because of my salary or my choice of major(I had to check her a couple of times for trying to down my Bachelors because "it was only in English").
Aside from comparisons to her friends, I also dealt with unfair comparisons to her younger brothers and their struggles. One of her brothers dropped out of high school while the other finished but was considered to be "slow"(her family's term, not mine). She would try to discredit my opinions in terms of job hunting by saying that her brother(the high school dropout)felt the same way("Shannon didn't want to apply at Associated Grocers either"). I would have to tell her that her brother didn't even have a GED and we really weren't in the same category or even going after the same types of jobs. Of course that led to debates and arguments. When I got fired from Bank One, she told me to just go down to Albertson's and see if her other brother(the "slow" one)could get me on in the meat department with him. I refused and simply looked for office work. If that makes me a bad man, then so be it.
I could go on, but I will stop here.
And I think that is why persons stay together after about the15th year. They are co-dependent and just old plain USED to each other. They need and enjoy the very faults they complain about.LadyLuck13 said:
That is also about the time of "I'll stay because of the kids."
<TABLE class=tborder id=post778235 cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px"><TABLE cellSpacing=6 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD noWrap>Tony <!-- BEGIN TEMPLATE: postbit_onlinestatus -->
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</TD><TD width="100%"> </TD><TD vAlign=top noWrap>Join Date: September 29, 2004
Posts: 944
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!-- / user info --></TD></TR><TR><TD class=alt1><!-- message, attachments, sig --><!-- icon and title -->
<HR style="COLOR: #d1d1e1" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->I?ve found that most things in life become easier to navigate when
The 2 parties involve operate from a Real sincere love for one another
With all this talk about finances, material crap, hiding things, flirting etc.etc.
If you could Briefly suspend whatever marriage/relationship you have now,
& Temporarily be with someone else in a marriage/relationship, just to see
If the grass or arse was truly greener. Would you do it?
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Vinita
Let's Go Lions, GO!
UAPB-LIONS-AM&N said:
As the teacher of these chirren, let me tell ya right now, this is the DUMBEST ISHT you can do.
These kids KNOW when their parents hate each other, they KNOW when the parents are together "for the children," and they DO NOT appreciate it, one bit. They would PREFER that the parents separate/divorce, so that THEY can live with a measure of peace.
I read about it at LEAST once a year.
MsJag4Jag
Moderator
Bilbrew: I didn't want you to divulge your life on here, but you must be comfortable in doing so. I understand your situation. But my point was maybe she was being the "best help meet" that SHE knew how to be. I am not taking sides. ...just trying to look at it from a different vista. Nobody wants to constantly be compared to anyone else, at least I would not. When I was growing up, I remember a teacher or somebody saying if you want to be successful, hang with successful people. I took that to mean, if I want to live like Oprah...find out what Oprah does to live that way. In other words, to be a good manager, I need to speak with someone who is a tried and true manager. Find out his/her knowledge and use it to my ability. I do NOT have to immulate his every move. I can be myself, but use the example as a "guide".
You know how when we were all in school and the teacher would give an example of how to do something so you can get the general idea of it...that's all.
You know how when we were all in school and the teacher would give an example of how to do something so you can get the general idea of it...that's all.