Why don

[ATLJag]

Bilbrew: I didn't want you to divulge your life on here, but you must be comfortable in doing so. I understand your situation. But my point was maybe she was being the "best help meet" that SHE knew how to be. I am not taking sides. ...just trying to look at it from a different vista. Nobody wants to constantly be compared to anyone else, at least I would not. When I was growing up, I remember a teacher or somebody saying if you want to be successful, hang with successful people. I took that to mean, if I want to live like Oprah...find out what Oprah does to live that way. In other words, to be a good manager, I need to speak with someone who is a tried and true manager. Find out his/her knowledge and use it to my ability. I do NOT have to immulate his every move. I can be myself, but use the example as a "guide".

You know how when we were all in school and the teacher would give an example of how to do something so you can get the general idea of it...that's all.

I understand your point, but in order for that to make sense there has to be a GOOD example to be followed. A marriage where the husband sits quietly while the wife makes all of the decisions and also does things uncharacteristic of a "good" wife(for example, going to the club while her husband works nights)was not a good example for the Bilbrews or most other households to follow(that was my ex-wife's best friend's marriage that I am referring to). Naturally, I knew more about some of the so-called "examples" than I may have expressed in earlier posts, so of course I would have a different viewpoint than some others.

I guess you have to not only know what you want out of a marriage, but you also need to take an honest assessment of those around you. I have a couple of friends who are either currently in relationships/marriages or have been in them with circumstances that I would NEVER subject myself to or seek to mirror. I also know some who have good relationships/marriages. Either way, at the end of the day you have to do what works for you and your spouse. Even looking at a good marriage, what worked for them may not always work in your household because at the end of the day your are still dealing with different people, different personalities, and sometimes a different set of circumstances.

 

[ATLJag]

But my point was maybe she was being the "best help meet" that SHE knew how to be.

You see the end result, so obviously it wasn't working for her(or us for that matter). Hell, this was her second marriage so I guess it didn't work the first time either. I'm not trying to say that everything was her fault, but the definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions and expect a different result.

 

[buckwheat]

The thing that I've learned is that you can't compare your marriage with that of other people. Each couple has their own way of doing and seeing things. You and your wife/husband have to do what's best for your marriage. Also, you have to keep your family(mom,dad,brother, sister,uncle, aunt,etc) out of your business. Family can sometimes be the biggest contributor to people getting divorced.

 

[ATLJag]

The thing that I've learned is that you can't compare your marriage with that of other people. Each couple has their own way of doing and seeing things. You and your wife/husband have to do what's best for your marriage. Also, you have to keep your family(mom,dad,brother, sister,uncle, aunt,etc) out of your business. Family can sometimes be the biggest contributor to people getting divorced.

Exactly.

 

[MsJag4Jag]

Buckwheat: I agree with that.

Bilbrew: I can agree with that too. However, I would not shut out viewing another's example good or bad. We can still learn from both.

Realizing I do not know the examples in which she immulated or that which she wanted you to immulate, I will agree that I can not make a fair assessment. I also agree that EACH couple (person) has to do what is best for them in any given situation.

Read my signature...