Warndalyn
Postmaster General!!!
The next time your lady asks what you'd like for [insert special event here]
give here this list. Ask her to read it, memorize and spread the word
around. The more that women understand these few key principals, the easier
life will be for all mankind.
1) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us b*tching about you leaving it down.
2) All men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color
3) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.
4) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.
5) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!
6) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
7) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what
we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel
lint, shotgun formation, or how they calculate horsepower.
8) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
9) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that
way.
10) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
11) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Way too many.
12) Crying is blackmail.
13) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't
work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
14) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on
the calendar.
15) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
16) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
17) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
18) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do.
19) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
20) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
21) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.
22) Check your oil.
23) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take "the quiz"
together.
24) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
25) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
26) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
27) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something,
but not both.
28) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
29) If it itches, it will be scratched.
30) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
31) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
give here this list. Ask her to read it, memorize and spread the word
around. The more that women understand these few key principals, the easier
life will be for all mankind.
1) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us b*tching about you leaving it down.
2) All men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color
3) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.
4) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.
5) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!
6) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
7) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what
we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel
lint, shotgun formation, or how they calculate horsepower.
8) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
9) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that
way.
10) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
11) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Way too many.
12) Crying is blackmail.
13) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't
work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
14) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on
the calendar.
15) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
16) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
17) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
18) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do.
19) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
20) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
21) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some
war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.
22) Check your oil.
23) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take "the quiz"
together.
24) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
25) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
26) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
27) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something,
but not both.
28) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
29) If it itches, it will be scratched.
30) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
31) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
