Why do people stay in violent relationships


I don't know why people stay in those relationships.
Some stay thinking they can change the person or help them. Some stay out of fear. Some stay because he/she apologized.

I've always thought that a man has ONE chance to hit me, after that, I'm gone if I don't beat him down with a baseball bat. :D I couldn't hurt a flea...but I'd make like a tree... and LEAVE...
 



As far as that story, I think a lot of what happened is not being reported. (How do you go from using a computer at a friend's house to trying to duck and dodge bullets?)
But from what's there, looks like dude got some problems and the sista doesn't seem too bright to me!!
 
Yea MH, that story seems a little fishy to me. More like...she was at his crib...went on his computer and started checking his email and cache...didn't like what she saw...cussed him out...he cussed her out...he kicked her out...tore up his place...and he popped off 4 hot ones at her arse. We shall see.

OJ send help...ugh...never mind.
 
UH, NO, not O.J.

Well, there are two sides to every story. We can't hear his, though, because he is probably on the short path to womanhood right about now ...
 
yeah, there are two sides two this story. I dont understand why women can continuly get beat down and go right to the dude though. Maybe i need to start slapping me a few girls around. SYKE...I would never do it.
 
Man I have heard some knock down drag out fights in our apartment building I mean slapping kicking punching things being thrown. I say just refer to that Babyface/Stevie Wonder Song and video "How Long". Eventually one of them will either take thier own lives or the lives of the significant other. Things are only getting worse and it hurts my heart to see people in relationships treated worse than a dog. People better wake up because beating sistas is not a happening thing. Now that brotha is gonna feel what it is like to be physically assulted!!!!! Prision ain't no joke!!!!!
 
Well folks. I used to think the same way until I meet a woman who was in an abusive relationship. This had tore her self esteem down so bad that she felt like she deserved those a$$ whippings. It was always .if I had cooked pork chops instead of chicken. or if I would have keep the kids quiet. If you constantly hear you aint ish, you aint gone be nothing, you ugly who gone want you if you leave. .:bawling:

Then you start to believe it. Also abuse is a cycle. 9 time out of 10 if a woman is getting abused her mother got abused. If a guy is an abuser than 9 time of out 10 his dad was an abuser.:(

So we really need to not judge these woman to harshly until you talk to one.:bawling:

What is wrong with these men who beat up on a woman.:bawling: sad sad
 
I agree with you, Jelli. Abuse is a very interesting phenomena that usually starts inside one's own home. The last time I knew an abused girl was in high school. Her boyfriend started off calling her names, and that went to pushing, and that went to straight up knocking her out. He would even do it in public and no one would say a word. It was always, "well, that is their business" and no one would intervene. It was a very weird cycle. Most of the time they were fine, then he would get abusive, and then he would apologize and beg her for forgiveness as if his life depended on it. Then he would be totally romantic towards her, and the cycle started all over again. People would constantly ask her why she stayed with him... her answer was always "because we love each other". Once I got to know her better, I realized that she and her sister were both being abused (severely punished) by their mother at home. Now mind you... these girls are 17 years old getting beat by their mother. It was very sad.... they grew up thinking that abuse was just something you dealt with in a relationship. When a "great guy" would come along, they didn't know what do to.... so they would let him go and always make their way back to Mr. Abusive. It's really all about self-esteem and self-worth. A lot of people have only been exposed to abuse, so they don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. And a lot of the men that do the abusing have self-esteem issues too. They don't see their mate as their equal... but more like their child... someone they can discipline. My thing is.... we always sit back and wonder why the woman won't get out of the relationship, but we don't question why the man is hitting women in the 1st place. Even if she leaves him, he will move on to an other woman to abuse. Too many unnecessary deaths are caused by this craziness.
 
I need some boots because this stuff on TSPN is starting to get mighty thick. I don't pity those women at all. Simply put...they don't have to be in that situation. If it ever gets to the point where a man is putting his hands on you...then you need to LEAVE. Point blank. No further explanations needed. Anyone who lays hands on a person in a relationship needs to reevaluate his/her situation.



Originally posted by jelli
Well folks. I used to think the same way until I meet a woman who was in an abusive relationship. This had tore her self esteem down so bad that she felt like she deserved those a$$ whippings. It was always .if I had cooked pork chops instead of chicken. or if I would have keep the kids quiet. If you constantly hear you aint ish, you aint gone be nothing, you ugly who gone want you if you leave. .:bawling:

Then you start to believe it. Also abuse is a cycle. 9 time out of 10 if a woman is getting abused her mother got abused. If a guy is an abuser than 9 time of out 10 his dad was an abuser.:(

So we really need to not judge these woman to harshly until you talk to one.:bawling:

What is wrong with these men who beat up on a woman.:bawling: sad sad
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NN, I'm not advocating that these woman should stay with these abusive men but they don't know any better. Sometimes they think that if their man is hitting them or cusing them out then he loves them. Sometimes abuse is the only affection these woman know so that's what they think love is.:confused:

If the only language you heard was swahili then that's all you gonna speak.
 
I used to have a neighbor that lived next door that was involved in an abusive relationship. Her man lived with her sometimes. All of the times that he stayed there, she would never say anything to me. I would see him sitting outside sometimes. He never said anything to me. I would hear them arguing. Seems like he was very insecure of his relationship. He always accused her of this and that. So he beat her. She stayed there. She got pregnant for him. One night...he was beating her so bad, she ran outside crying...SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME. THIS NIGGGA IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!! She was 8 months pregnant. Like a coward, he ran. They had helicopters looking for him. It was something straight out of a TV show. But it really happened. Needless to say, he left(ran from the law). She then started talking to me and coming by asking to use the phone, etc.

She told me half the time she was whooping his arse. But people around town told me that this girl always invovled herself with guys like that.

It's a sad cycle, but being the friend that I was to her, I told her that she deserved a lot better than that. He could have harmed her and her/his child. He was a busta. A child. A boy pretending to be a man. How could he put his woman/child's life in danger like that.

Your friend has to know that there is something better out there than some man laying his hands on her. As a friend, you could try opening her eyes to this. It doesn't have to be that way!!!
 
Jelli, I don't think NN understands the mindset of an abused person or of an abuser. I am sure he would see it differently if his mother, sister, or current girlfriend was abused. NN, not everyone has your level of self-esteem or self-worth. Not everyone knows what love truly looks like. It would be nice if it was as simple as walking away.... but obviously it's not. It was also be nice if all of the people that watched their mother's get abused and said, "I will never lay a hand on my wife" actually lived up to that pledge. This topic is sad. :bawling:
 



Put down the frying pan and step away from the BOLOS

Nonsense. I don't care if it were my mother getting beat...I would tell her "Momma, why are you with this man? He doesn't love you. If he loved you, then why does he hurt you so much?" You're trying to make an excuse for this type of behavior. I guess if I only grew up around people that went around stealing from folk...and I was broke all of the time...it would be okay for me to go out and steal because that's all I know. HELL NO!!! You know...I really don't want to try to understand anything like that because what's so cool about being beat up by your lover???


Originally posted by blaquebuterfly
Jelli, I don't think NN understands the mindset of an abused person or of an abuser. I am sure he would see it differently if his mother, sister, or current girlfriend was abused. NN, not everyone has your level of self-esteem or self-worth. Not everyone knows what love truly looks like. It would be nice if it was as simple as walking away.... but obviously it's not. It was also be nice if all of the people that watched their mother's get abused and said, "I will never lay a hand on my wife" actually lived up to that pledge. This topic is sad. :bawling:
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NN, all I am saying is that you will not understand this topic now or ever. You are a person of high self esteem. Just talking to an abused person doesn't help. They have to see their OWN self-worth to get out of the situation.... and that could take months to years. Me personally, I don't tolerate a man even thinking to fix his mouth to call me a beotch....but most woman don't have my sense of self-esteem either. It's truly sad.

Lisa "Left-eye" Lopez send help. :eek:
 
Originally posted by NASTYNUPE
I
It's a sad cycle, but being the friend that I was to her, I told her that she deserved a lot better than that. He could have harmed her and her/his child. He was a busta. A child. A boy pretending to be a man. How could he put his woman/child's life in danger like that.

Your friend has to know that there is something better out there than some man laying his hands on her. As a friend, you could try opening her eyes to this. It doesn't have to be that way!!!
Click to expand...
I tried to be encouraging to my friend I even offered some of the help line numbers and stuff like that. But alas she went back to him.

NN, you can't make anybody do anything. All you can do is offer advice and encourage them the seek better for themselves but they have to make it up in their minds to leave.

Look at Tina Turner, she took them arse whippings from Ike for years before she finally got up enough nerve to leave. Then movie didn't tell half the story. I read her book. Ike was beating all the women he got envolved with.

I say this why do we, society, always attack the woman? Why not get on that sorry arse man for beating a woman, who is much weaker than he is. I'll bet if a man came up to him he wouldn't blink twice at the dude. Punk arse woman beating man.:redhot:
 
I mean the woman should never be blamed for a man hitting her, but some women have a mouth and attitude that can lead some brothas to resort to violence. Most men cannot express themselves with words. all thier life they have been told "don't go out like a punk!!" Those words are pressed and stressed and the man feels like this no matter what sex is in front of them. They lash out and do things that they would not do. I know women can say some hurtful things that will hurt a man's EGO!!!
I am married and I have argued with my wife on occasion but I never beat her and I have been called some hurtful things but God has prepared me to the point that I realize that hitting is not going to solve the problem. These men need Jesus!!!
 
Reading the comments and it seems as if the women are the majority of the blame. In a sense yeah...question. Why do the men stay with someone who they have to beat all of the time? Why don't they just get someone else?
 
Man this topic is so sad...that I don't even have the strenght to get involved with this saddness. For my answer, just resort back to the topic "Why do women get played".

Oh that cycle does play a big part.
 
In answering the question, I think people stay in abusive relationships for a couple of reasons. The top two are:
1) no where else to go
2)denial...utter and total denial :(
 
Hey, Tha Truth1914 has made the realist point on this thread. Those men need JESUS. That's the only way they can change. Theorpy or anything wont do it. They need some spiritual healing
 
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