The 5th Annual Bag of JAG jokes.........


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Be CAREFULL what you wish for......

A GSU Tiger fan, a FAMU RATTLER fan, and a Da#n Jag fan were walking together on a beach and come across a magic lamp. The RATTLER picked it up, started rubbing it and out popped a genie. "I will give you one wish a piece," said the genie in a booming voice.

The RATTLER fan said, "I'm studying to be a farmer. I want a 1,000 acres of the most fertile farmland in the world and I want it to remain fertile forever."

"Your wish is granted," the genie said.

The Jaguar fan was amazed, and looked at the genie and said, "I don't want any outsiders coming into our precious city. I want a wall around Baton Rouge, and ESPECIALLY Southern University to keep undesirables out."

The genie said; "Your wish too, is granted."

The Tiger fan who was also amazed looked at the genie and said, "I'm curious; tell me more about this wall." The genie said, "It's 250 feet high, and 50 feet thick, and no one can get in or out."

The Tiger said, "Fill it up with water." :D
 
One in the Same........

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Famous Quotes:

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"We NEVER should have let that DA#N Cholly find out about this new website!!! Caught ALLKINDA HELL from him on the first two!!!"
 
SOUTHERN Girls...............

A group of girlfriends from the Southern University "Class" of '95 went on vacation and they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only". Since they were without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.

The Doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works; "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside. The only rule is, once you leave a floor, you can't return to it."

The Jag gals talk it over and decide to go for it. They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind". The friends laugh like a bunch of Golddiggers at a homeless shelter and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the Second floor reads, "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly". This wasn't going to do for those weave queens so again they head for the stairs.

The friends move up to the Third floor where the sign read "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women." This was good but there were still two more floors... So on to the Fourth floor the hoochies climbed, and the sign was perfect. "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight" The women seemed pleased but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor has to offer before they settle for the fourth.

When they reach the Fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is simply no way to please an SU woman."
 
Cheap ARSE Jag.............

Bill and his wife Martha were SU alums who NEVER went out on account of Bill being so DA#N cheap!!! The only place they would go to was places they could sneak into for free. So, he would take her to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Martha always replied, "I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars."

One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, Martha, I'm 81 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Martha replied, "Bill, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 10 dollars." Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Bill replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars."
 
Sucking on ciggs.....

Sucking on Brown Ciggies...

Two Jag football players were walking through campus when they ran into each other.

One had a midget tucked under his arm.

He says to the other Jag; hey gurl; would you like a DRAG offa this before I throw it away?"

:o
 
Handicapped jags need love too.......

There was this Southern U. student who was handicapped. See, he had a wooden eye.

NO KIDDING!! He had a wooden eye, and he could NEVER keep a good relationship with a woman because invariably, they would argue and she would make reference to his eye, and BAM! That would be the end of it.

Well, one day while eating lunch in the Puke and Chuck (SUs main Cafeteria) he met a girl whose mouth was cut differently than everybody elses. From her nose to her chin... straight up and down.

Well, they fell in love with each other... what with the obvious flaws, and they were VERY happy together. Obvious flaws I say.

One day, he felt the time was right, and he decided to ask her hand in marriage. He arranged it with his uncle Marino, and proposed to her at Halftime on the 50 yd line during Southerns Homecomming. He got down on his hands and knees in front of the crowd of 13,000 and proposed:

"Oh darling... would you marry me?"

She said; "Wouldn't I?"

He said "PUSEY FACE!!!"
 
I'm WATCHIN you boy..............

There was this Jag in New Orleans who had lost an eye playing darts with a blind man (long story.) Well, he went to dinner at one of New Orleans finest restaurants.

He ordered his favorite, a bowl of split pea soup. Well, while he was eating, his eye fell into his bowl. Mistaking it for a large green pea, he ate it. And swallowed.

A week later, when he failed to pass it (or anything else for that matter) he finally went to the doctor.

Said; "you know doc, I got this congestion... Im all backed up. I haven't passed anything in a week... can you help me?"

Doc said; "drop your pants and get up on that exam table on all fours; toot it up so I can get a good view."

So he did.

When he was finished, the doctor walked around to the problem spot and looked up......... and there was this eye, staring back at him.

Doc said; "Well, the first thing you gon have to do is TRUST ME!!"
 
Oooopppsss!!! It fell out again!!

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"Dammit!! I gotta remember to buy some polident to keep my eye in its socket!!!"
 
Ya gotta admit it.........

This is HALL OF FAME MATERIAL!!!

Never, in the HISTORY of SMACK, have the Jurgs been DRUG through the Mud of Mumford so DISGRACEFULLY!!!

Don't get me wrong; these stories related to you this day are ALL TRUE having actually occured...... only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I just feel these events told truthfully should be recorded for posterity... so that future generations would know the JOKE that is Southern University... (Also known as SWAMPPUSEY U.)
 
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