Spin Off of Soft (sensitive) Men: The Independent Women


CriTAUcal

CriTAUcal

Do Good; Good Follows
I went home to Mississippi this past weekend and my cousin (male, 36) rode down with me and my son. He offers to help with gas, driving (5-6 hr. trip from ATL), buy snacks, etc while on the road. Out of habit, I was like, "no thank you" to everything.

So we get to Greenwood, and he tells our family that Roi too independent. :lol: And I was like, 'what I do?' While I appreciated him wanting to help, I admit that, I'm quite accustomed to doing a lot of things on my own, especially before I got married and over the last 1.5 year or so. Cousin is the second man to tell me in the past month about my independent habits. Now, I'm not one of those women who acts like, "I don't need no man." 'Cause I loves men. :love:

So guys, are ya'll turned off by women who generally like to do things on their own most (if not, all) the time without asking you for any help- be it just for your attention, a hand around the house/with the car, your wallet (:lol:), etc?

Do you avoid the independent women? Or is there something to it for a man to feel needed/wanted by a woman?
 
There's no such thing as an "independent woman". Some women are just stubborn and won't accept their true nature. All women need to be guided by a man whether she admits or not.

A woman like that is not necessarily a turnoff. She just needs to be shown her true nature.
 



SUJagFan said:
There's no such thing as an "independent woman". Some women are just stubborn and won't accept their true nature. All women need to be guided by a man whether she admits or not.

A woman like that is not necessarily a turnoff. She just needs to be shown her true nature.
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You know what I mean by independent.
I'm not entirely stubborn. And I don't have a problem letting a man be a man in the relationship. I just don't sit around and wait for help.
 
CriTAUcal said:
You know what I mean by independent.
I'm not entirely stubborn. And I don't have a problem letting a man be a man in the relationship. I just don't sit around and wait for help.
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:lol:

You're not entirely stubborn? You knew I was going to say something outrageous.

:lol:

If you're a single woman, then of course you'll have to take the initiative and take care of some things yourself. You can't sit around like a helpless damsel in distress. Now THAT is a turnoff.

I'm sure most men would hope that a woman could take care of herself when he's not around. Before him, with him or after him. I think problems arise when a woman tries to be independent within a relationship. That does not work.
 
jag4life said:
I honestly wanted your viewpoint on this. I've heard/read women say this more than a few times.
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I don't literally mean "letting." But for some women (self included), we can be aggressive. Sometimes too much. And for some who are accustomed to taking the lead and/or seeing the women in their family take the lead, (I won't say it's natural), but it's easy for a lot of women (particularly black women) to want to control some.

I know some of ya'll say that ya'll don't want/like the non-submissive women. But just like there are some women out there who are too controlling/head strong, there are some weak men out there who want to be chased after (:xeye:) and taken care of (like a woman). Not putting blame on either sex why that is, but things aren't as traditional as they once were. That's why I asked if ya'll are turned off by women who are independent.
 
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CriTAUcal said:
I don't literally mean "letting." But for some women (self included), we can be aggressive. Sometimes too much. And for some who are accustomed to taking the lead and/or seeing the women in their family take the lead, (I won't say it's natural), but it's easy for a lot of women (particularly black women) to want to control some.

I know some of ya'll say that ya'll don't want/like the non-submissive women. But just like there are some women out there who are too control/head strong, there are some weak men out there who want to be chased after and taken care of. Not putting blame on either sex why that is, but things aren't as traditional as they once were. That's why I asked if ya'll are turned off by women who are independent.
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So how do you let a man be a man if you are accustomed to taking the lead?
 
jag4life said:
So how do you let a man be a man if you are accustomed to taking the lead?
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I'm opinionated; don't think that's surprising. Example: But when I was married, I leaned on my husband to make major decisions in the house. Now of course, I gave my opinion. But I wanted his thoughts and for him to make final decisions regarding our household affairs. When I was single, it was easy for me do whatever necessary to run my own place or do whatever. I'm single again and back to same independent/pre-marital mentality. I'm OK with that, but it was my cousin who made me think about how I operate [now] over the weekend.
 
CriTAUcal said:
I'm opinionated; don't think that's surprising. Example: But when I was married, I leaned on my husband to make major decisions in the house. Now of course, I gave my opinion. But I wanted his thoughts and for him to make final decisions regarding our household affairs. When I was single, it was easy for me do whatever necessary to run my own place or do whatever. I'm single again and back to same independent/pre-marital mentality. I'm OK with that, but it was my cousin who made me think about how I operate [now] over the weekend.
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The thing is... major decisions are easier to pass off. The example involving your cousin is a prime example showing you that it is often the smaller day-to-day things that are tougher for "lead" women to pass-off to a man.
 
jag4life said:
The thing is... major decisions are easier to pass off. The example involving your cousin is a prime example showing you that it is often the smaller day-to-day things that are tougher for "lead" women to pass-off to a man.
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Not necessarily, not for some women.

The "smaller day-2-day stuff" (like with my cousin) for me was not a big deal to me. I thought nothing of it during the trip. It wasn't until we got home when he said something to our folks that it made me think of how I am.
 



Nothing wrong with a woman who knows how to take care of herself. But if you are in a relationship screaming "independence", then something is definitely wrong with that picture. You probably would be better off alone.
 
Always screaming "independance"...looking to be the first one to get hitched/married. Never understood that logic...:noidea:

Point blank...it's in a man's DNA to be the provider. The go getter. So, when trying to make a concerted effort, if he feels like he's not needed to go-get-it...some of that manhood IS taken from him. Some dudes feelings towards that varies...but, that's the jist of it.
 
I know y'all say it a lot but i don't know any women screaming "I'm independent. Don't need a man." I just don't see that. Are many women independent. They have to be cause nobody else is stepping to the plate. And honestly, I just don't see men that want a real dependent woman.

I had this same discussion with my guy friend. He always says, "A have not will treat a man better than a have." I always say, "Get a have not and she'll become a HAVE...just by being with you." I don't find women who really truly WANT to be dependent. That's a hard row to hoe. Waiting on somebody to give you funds, not being able to help with the burden of living....I just don't see that chick or the men wanting that chick.

An independent woman has, will and always will be attractive to men. They are like, wow, she is a go getter. I guess the real problem is relinquishing roles when you actually get a man. :noidea: But those who do it successfully, everybody reaps the benefits. :tup: So, I think men need to understand, it takes a minute to shift gears sometimes. Be patient and you all will get what you want.
 
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chocalate_topaz said:
I know y'all say it a lot but i don't know any women screaming "I'm independent. Don't need a man." I just don't see that. Are many women independent. They have to be cause nobody else is stepping to the plate. And honestly, I just don't see men that want a real dependent woman.

I had this same discussion with my guy friend. He always says, "A have not will treat a man better than a have." I always say, "Get a have not and she'll become a HAVE...just by being with you." I don't find women who really truly WANT to be dependent. That's a hard row to hoe. Waiting on somebody to give you funds, not being able to help with the burden of living....I just don't see that chick or the men wanting that chick.

An independent woman has, will and always will be attractive to men. They are like, wow, she is a go getter. I guess the real problem is relinquishing roles when you actually get a man. :noidea: But those who do it successfully, everybody reaps the benefits. :tup: So, I think men need to understand, it takes a minute to shift gears sometimes. Be patient and you all will get what you want.
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That's an understanding everybody (men and women) should come to.
 
I have no problems Crit. I can't stand needy women at all. Those who cannot accomplish simple task on their own irk me.
 
jsupop33 said:
I have no problems Crit. <u><b>I can't stand needy women at all.</b></u> Those who cannot accomplish simple task on their own irk me.
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+1. :vomit: I loathe it. I never knew they existed until I slowed down enough to bear witness, unfortunately. :smh:
 
I think what is in you is what is in you. A strong man will know when and how to take the lead whether the lead is offered to him or not. Likewise, a soft man won't take the lead even if it is given to him on a silver platter. This is why it is important for both sides to know who they are dealing with before they get to deep.

The other side of this is knowing the difference between being a competent leader and a control freak. From my experience, one of the root causes behind some controlling behavior is fear. When it comes to women, some have seen their fathers walk out, other men leave them hanging, or didn't see strong men growing up. For men, some have seen other men end up being henpecked fools and don't want to end up in the same boat. As a result, they feel the need to try to control a situation regardless of the behavior of the other party.

While the soft man may stay and take bs from a controlling woman, the strong man will either try to rectify the situation or leave it alone altogether. Some women will mistakenly think that the man that leaves is "intimidated". Nah boo, he just doesn't want to put up with a tyrant that isn't even fully equipped to lead. That is not to say that there aren't women out there that can lead (most of us that grew up in single parent homes can attest to that), but God ordained who the true "leader" should be when it comes to marriage.
 
Crit and CT, I love independent women. I don't like the women that have to ask about you every damn thang.
 
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