SoulMate? How Did YOU Know He/She was The One?


CriTAUcal

CriTAUcal

Do Good; Good Follows
You've met someone who you think is perfect for you.
You and this person are just on one accord--- so much to the point that it's scary!
You and this person share similar values and goals and a mutual respect and understanding of one another's personalities.
You're currently in prayer and asking God if this is His Will. And deep down, you feel that Your Soulmate has Arrived!


When did you all know that he/she was The One?
How long did you all date before the Engagement? How long was your engagement?
Was the First Year of Marrage a little difficult or pure bliss?

...And do you think it's crazy for someone to marry a person they've only dated for a short period of time but know and feel that it's of God that the two of them are together?

Share your stories, if you care to or just give some kind of feedback.
Thanx.
 
My wife and I were best friends before we dated. Something just clicked :idea: with us. We dated for a few years before we jumped the broom. The first year of marriage was not pure bliss, but it was not a rocky road either. You will have follow your heart and your head. Don't let things that bother you slide just because you are in love. The "high" of love will fade. You must be able to be friends after you come down from the high.
 



We have been married for 20 years this year...Met at JSU. The first time I ever laid eyes on her was at the very first Noon Prayer meeting our freshman year. I could hear her praying on the other side of the room. Without knowing anything about her, I asked God for someone just like her. Right after that meeting I heard her talking about her fiance. We became friends - and that was all our freshman year. In fact, she said goodbye to the fiance and had eyes for another of my friends, as did a number of other ladies. I used to run interference for her so she could get to him. To make a long story shorter, they didn't work out. I continued to pray; God showed her to me in a dream; I told her about it right at the start of our sophomre year and she had seen the same thing. So, we started preparing for marriage then. We had great mentors and great counsel. We graduated together on 5/8/83 and married on 5/21/83.

In short, we knew because God told us individually then collectively. Our first year was rather normal. We discovered a lot about each other. Relationships have their highs and lows, but we just kept on working on trying to get it right. Children have arrived and gravity has changed some other things. We are not the same people who married 20 years ago - nor should we be. We've grown and gotten better ... and so has our love.

Our courtship took 3 years. One of her brothers married a girl who started as a freshman with us at the end of our first semester. They have had 23 years of wonderful marriage after only knowing each other a few months. They, too, had good mentors and counsel. God spoke to them right away and they quickly moved forward. No, short courtships are not crazy when everything is right.

Bottom line: know that it God putting you together and leave the timeframe to him.
 
beautiful story dacontinent....

You don't hear of marriages lasting that long these days. Sometimes folks just give up after the first argument and don't make the effort to tough it out.
 

When did you all know that he/she was The One?
We both knew very early one about
a week or two into knowing each other.

How long did you all date before the Engagement?
2 years

How long was your engagement?
6 Months; We got engaged one day
and called the parents to begin the wedding prepar-
ations the next day.

Was the First Year of Marrage a little difficult or pure bliss?
It was a series of transitions. I wouldn't call it difficult, but it
was "work". Melding two lives into a cohesive existance is
challenging. I understand why everyone says the 1st year is
the most difficult but for us it was also a very exciting time
(I got pregnant on the wedding night so we were "expecting"
almost throughout our entire first year-shy of the 1st 2 months
before we knew about the baby). We were just happy.

...And do you think it's crazy for someone to marry a person
they've only dated for a short period of time but know and feel
that it's of God that the two of them are together?
No, not crazy...as long as the most important
things about the marriage have been discussed and negotiated.
(Ex: Prior expectations, who pays the bills?, who cooks?, do
you have dinner together or not?, do you want kids right away?
etc.)

Also, you have to go in understanding that you are going to have fights.
Your marriage will depend on what you do after the fight. Marriage
isn't for quitters. I've seen marriages end a year in because the simple
things became "major" problems. The love part is simple....

;)
-Astrya
 
Dacontinent and Storm: You are so RIGHT.


I fully advise that people get pre-marital counseling when they decide to become engaged! Why? You do NEED to discuss who pays the bills, if they are paid on time, where you spend holidays, who cooks, who washes, decide if you want children or not...EVERYTHING needs to be negotiated BEFORE the marriage takes place. Why? Well a lot of times people go into marriage with pre-conceived notions about what the OTHER should do all the while, the other has a different plan in mind. This is where the two clash. Nothing is wrong with conflict. There IS a major problem when there is UNRESOLVED conflict. BE SURE that you can communicate with him and he with you. BE SURE you discuss RELIGION AND PRAYER and whether you two will participate in it together or apart... It matters.

Don't go in blindly not knowing his likes and dislikes on just about everything. Find out if he picks his teeth at the table and whether you can stand it or not. (A pastor said that one time)...Trust me, small things like that can wear a hole in the marriage.


Short engagements are ok as long as you've got all the IMPORTANT stuff negotiated and covered. That way you don't spend most of your marriage arguing over this/that.


AT THE SAME TIME, be prepared to make changes in your life and be sure he can do the same. You are in for a long haul on the road of compromise....and if you aren't prepared, marriage can whip your butt!

BE PRAYERFUL!
 
Originally posted by Ms. Jag4Jag
I fully advise that people get pre-marital counseling when they decide to become engaged! Why? You do NEED to discuss who pays the bills, if they are paid on time, where you spend holidays, who cooks, who washes, decide if you want children or not...EVERYTHING needs to be negotiated BEFORE the marriage takes place. Why? Well a lot of times people go into marriage with pre-conceived notions about what the OTHER should do all the while, the other has a different plan in mind. This is where the two clash. Nothing is wrong with conflict. There IS a major problem when there is UNRESOLVED conflict. BE SURE that you can communicate with him and he with you. BE SURE you discuss RELIGION AND PRAYER and whether you two will participate in it together or apart... It matters.
Click to expand...



Wow...Good advice MsJag4Jag....I'm not married, engaged nor have a boyfriend yet , but all those things I already have in my mind to set out on the table and hopefully, the man i marry would be thinking the same as well, when the time comes. I definately want marriage counseling. So, looks I'm on the right track about understanding marriage.
HOWEVER, I do know that the entire "planning- a- good- marriage" thing can't be totally planned because some things come unexpectedly,
and to add on, each mate should discuss each other's ANGER moods.
 
I agree 100% Ms J4J,
It is good even to do a mock monthly expense budget with the combined incomes. Include everything like mortgage, car note(s), insurance, transportation, cable, food, entertainment, eating out, clothes shopping, doctor visits, car maintenance, cleaners, women necessities, salon/barber, tuition/day care when bringing kids into marriage, child support from former relationships, utilities, student loans, IRS, credit cards, professional dues, etc. Better to see it beforehand and work out the kinks rather than assume everything is going to fall into place and then you stress out. It's an eye opener when you actually see it on paper.
 
LadyLuck13: Discussing anger and how it is handled is one thing. Witnessing it is another. So take enough time to see how that person handles stress or how they handle disappointments. Figure out if you can handle how they are...


Spring: YES LAWD! Budgeting in marriage is not easy, but it does not have to be hard either.


It is definitely WORK!

There are books available with pre-marital questions that each should find the answer to before tying the knot. It is important that you discuss this kind of stuff and don't gloss over it. Glossing over it will come back to bite ya in the butt!
 
MsJ4J,
How long was your pre-marital class ? My wife and I went to class for 9 months then waited 18 months after the class ended before we got married. And it's still work. It's important to not work toward the wedding but work towards the marriage. That one day will come and go with pictures to prove it, but the day after is the real deal.
 
Originally posted by Springs
MsJ4J,
How long was your pre-marital class ? My wife and I went to class for 9 months then waited 18 months after the class ended before we got married. And it's still work. It's important to not work toward the wedding but work towards the marriage. That one day will come and go with pictures to prove it, but the day after is the real deal.
Click to expand...


You speaketh the truth!


My class was a one day class. The pastor who performed our ceremony conducted a class. We had to answer questions on paper. After we answered, we had to exchange papers and read each other's question and answer. If there was something that did not coincide, then was the time to figure out where to go from there.

He asked me the question and I answered. We were married nearly nine months later. We're going on 3 years now and it is work.


I'd recommend what you said...work towards the marriage, not the wedding day. If the truth be told, most can do without the expense of that one day....
 
Re: beautiful story dacontinent....

Originally posted by LadyLuck13
You don't hear of marriages lasting that long these days. Sometimes folks just give up after the first argument and don't make the effort to tough it out.
Click to expand...
Truer words have never been spoken. Some before the first argument. :nod:
 
Re: Re: SoulMate? How Did YOU Know He/She was The One?

Originally posted by Storm_ofSU

Also, you have to go in understanding that you are going to have fights.
Your marriage will depend on what you do after the fight. Marriage
isn't for quitters. I've seen marriages end a year in because the simple
things became "major" problems. The love part is simple....
;)
-Astrya
Click to expand...
Preach. Marriage isn't for those that are lazy, immature, wimps or the faint of heart! It's for soldiers who will endure til the end....come hell or high water.
 
Originally posted by CriTAUcal
You've met someone who you think is perfect for you.
When did you all know that he/she was The One?
How long did you all date before the Engagement? How long was your engagement?
Was the First Year of Marrage a little difficult or pure bliss?

...And do you think it's crazy for someone to marry a person they've only dated for a short period of time but know and feel that it's of God that the two of them are together?

Share your stories, if you care to or just give some kind of feedback.
Thanx.
Click to expand...

I am a witness that if you seek God first in all of the things you do, God will lead you to the person you are supposed to be with and you won't have any doubts.

Before we met, I was confidently single. I felt no rush to get married. But when I met her and would strangely run into her in various places:D my curiousity in her grew. It grew to the point that I just went ahead and went after her. We played no games with each other. We both knew right away that God had made us for each other. For me it was as if God just laid a gift in front of me and said, "here ya go." We dated 5 months before I proposed and got married 5 months later. I have no regrets. Everything has been good. The best thing about our marriage is spiritually we are on the same level. We both love God and have the same views spiritually. I think another thing that started us on the right track before we exchanged vows is going to marital counseling. Now at times we have had disagreements and things which I feel are normal in marriage but because our relationship with God is so strong, that other stuff is like paper....,

Yes I was doing alright when I was single but now that I am married I love it and you couldn't pay me to be without the one I am with now.

I want to add this without creating another topic, Brothers if you seek God first and be the man you supposed to be, God will lead you to her and sisters, if you seek God first and be the woman you supposed to be, God will lead him to you.
 



Re: Re: SoulMate? How Did YOU Know He/She was The One?

Originally posted by BulldogM.Ed.23
I want to add this without creating another topic, Brothers if you seek God first and be the man you supposed to be, God will lead you to her and sisters, if you seek God first and be the woman you supposed to be, God will lead him to you.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing.
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been married now?
 
Originally posted by CriTAUcal
You've met someone who you think is perfect for you.
You and this person are just on one accord--- so much to the point that it's scary!
You and this person share similar values and goals and a mutual respect and understanding of one another's personalities.
You're currently in prayer and asking God if this is His Will. And deep down, you feel that Your Soulmate has Arrived!


When did you all know that he/she was The One?
How long did you all date before the Engagement? How long was your engagement?
Was the First Year of Marrage a little difficult or pure bliss?

...And do you think it's crazy for someone to marry a person they've only dated for a short period of time but know and feel that it's of God that the two of them are together?

Share your stories, if you care to or just give some kind of feedback.
Thanx.
Click to expand...
I like Storm_ofSU format so I will steal it. :smug:
When did you all know that he/she was The One?
Oh, when I met her Grandmother. Her grandmother said "You are the first boy She ever brought home." I knew then. Oh she also told me a major secret about my wife, That she play like she is hard but on the inside she is a big cream buff. Thanks, Granny. ;)
How long did you all date before the Engagement?
We dated for about 7 years before we got married. We met at TSU in the Computer Science Dept. I tell everybody that she macked the brother but that is not true. I told a friend of mine in the lab, Mr.Loverman, Jelli ;), that I would get to know her. 7 yrs. later she is my wife. Oh, I waited until she graduated and had a job before I got down on one knee. I did not want to interfer with her schooling and job hunt. Besides I was broke.:D:D:D.
How long was your engagement?
7 Years we dated but we were engaged for only 9 months. That was long enough. Dont believe in long engagements.
Was the First Year of Marrage a little difficult or pure bliss?
Both. We got married March 4th. My mom passed in June. So that was a little rocky. My wife stayed by my side. We went to the hospital together every night and never once did she say "I think we need to go home, it is getting late." She stayed right there. She went to sleep in the waiting area. God has truely blessed me with my wife. Then we found out she was pregnant, so that was joy. So our first year was difficult and bliss. But if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have let her wait so long. :lol:
 
Originally posted by Ms. Jag4Jag

I fully advise that people get pre-marital counseling when they decide to become engaged! Why? You do NEED to discuss who pays the bills, if they are paid on time, where you spend holidays, who cooks, who washes, decide if you want children or not...EVERYTHING needs to be negotiated BEFORE the marriage takes place. Why? Well a lot of times people go into marriage with pre-conceived notions about what the OTHER should do all the while, the other has a different plan in mind. This is where the two clash. Nothing is wrong with conflict. There IS a major problem when there is UNRESOLVED conflict. BE SURE that you can communicate with him and he with you. BE SURE you discuss RELIGION AND PRAYER and whether you two will participate in it together or apart... It matters.

Don't go in blindly not knowing his likes and dislikes on just about everything. Find out if he picks his teeth at the table and whether you can stand it or not. (A pastor said that one time)


Short engagements are ok as long as you've got all the IMPORTANT stuff negotiated and covered. That way you don't spend most of your marriage arguing over this/that.


AT THE SAME TIME, be prepared to make changes in your life and be sure he can do the same. You are in for a long haul on the road of compromise....and if you aren't prepared, marriage can whip your butt!

BE PRAYERFUL!
Click to expand...


Great advice!!! I already intend to do all of the above whenever i do meet her....have a question though, shouldn't this process i.e. the counseling, negotiations be successfully completed before announcing an engagement and me buying an engagement ring? If something comes up that neither person want to compromise on, what then? Getting engaged before counseling/life discussions are complete and we're both on one accord seems to be the wrong way. Thoughts? Especially brothers!


...and knowing me they way i do, i'd want the ring back. :swink:
 
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