headache after headache after headache after headache


Fortitude said:
they know they aren't shti & don't WANT to even try to be better (as a person!)
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Speaking of this half of your quote....

Does any/everyone believe that marriage makes everyone better as a person? Esp, you ladies. Because, whether we'd agree or not at first...men and women look at the same center from totally different angles when it comes to marriage.


LS Syndicate said:
For some reason, all the horror stories never made me fear or second-guess marriage.........
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Co-sign.

Why does not wanting to get married almost always translate into "fear" in most folks mind? Maybe, it's something else. Like what Xhale typed...I don't sense an actual fear of marriage. But, just a wading of the side of serious caution. And, that, in my eyes, is not a bad thing. Esp, considering the times.

In these times...ain't NOTHING wrong with being cautious. Cuz, heck...the lack of caution is what's doing the majority of marriages. Just dive on in...Our Love (now in it's 12th month of maturity..:rolleyes: ) will handle everything.
 
LS Syndicate said:
How do you know how I grew up? You didn't meet me til I was 21 LOL! That is definitely not the case with my home life. I grew up in a home that gave me every reason NOT to be married.
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Never said I knew how you grew up. Just mentioned that you realized there was a "different side to the perceived horror stories!"

coldsweat said:
That's mainly because you grew up knowing there was a different side of those "horror stories!"
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Everybody's situation is different. And if you say that your home life gave you EVERY reason NOT to be married, than I guess you are an example of the few that have reason above the bullshat to show that it can be done! :tup:
 



O'Bladerunner said:
In these times...ain't NOTHING wrong with being cautious. Cuz, heck...the lack of caution is what's doing the majority of marriages. Just dive on in...Our Love (now in it's 12th month of maturity..:rolleyes: ) will handle everything.
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Like my brother(who has been married for 13 years) told me...."people don't change, the truth just comes out, but when dating, folk just choose to watch the edited version of the dvd versus poppin in the uncut." I laughed my ass off when he told me that, but then was like, HEEEY, thats makes sense! we(as in humans) aren't cautious as we should be, heck i'm trying to be more cautious just with dating, so I know i'm not ready to decipher a potential husband. Sometimes we see the signs but keep pressing cause its what we want.

Its time for folk to stop tryna save face and sayin(everyone doesn't do this though), "they just changed on me"(:scared:scaring the SHIT out of single unmarried people :lol:), to "they were who I thought they were, but at the time he/she was just what I wanted", and leave it at that. Cause whatever was done to me by whomever, didn't just fall out the sky and into that man spirit, it was there all along but I just chose to ignore it. I take full responsibility in the bad choices in men(and yes i've made bad ones, all of em weren't bad though :D) i've made in the past and can say this because I know me and how I am. But many folk(men and women) wont be real about it and just admit that, leaving the masses believing their problem was marriage itself, and just not their personal wrong/bad decision....again, scaring the shit out of unmarried folk.
 
:tup: Blade. My sentiments almost exactly.

Having been married before, I can say that marriage is the greatest thing in the world WHEN IT IS GOOD. When it ain't... you better be ready to work!!

My thing is to just make sure you KNOW that person. Don't get focused on planning a wedding. Get engaged and get to doing some counseling, prayer, soul-searching, etc. until you know it's right. The wedding is for everyone else anyway.
 
jag4life said:
My thing is to just make sure you KNOW that person. Don't get focused on planning a wedding. Get engaged and get to doing some counseling, prayer, soul-searching, etc. until you know it's right. The wedding is for everyone else anyway.
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Co-sign. There was nooooo way that I would get married without having some kind of counseling- conventional and spiritual. My wife and I had a 6-week counseling session with a local pastor and his wife (who was licensed as a counselor). Then we had a counseling session with our church pastor.

Then we invested in a DVD with workbooks and the whole nine called 2Becoming1. Those exercises have really paid dividends. If you're a Christian, this package will pay dividends for any marriage, new or old. It adopts the theory that if each individual continues to strengthen their relationship with God, their marriage will be strengthened as a by-product. Of course it's easier said than done, but I try to apply the teachings to my marriage everyday.
 
Cousenling don't mean nothing. The thing is being opened minded and knowing when to agree to disagree, and disagree to agree. Knowing what battles to fight is a mofo. There is a reason why most folks who hang on until they are older or get married older make it. it's usually because they have learned that winning battles mean nothing. Being happy is about knowing what to say, how to say and when to say it.
 
CEE DOG said:
Cousenling don't mean nothing. The thing is being opened minded and knowing when to agree to disagree, and disagree to agree. Knowing what battles to fight is a mofo. There is a reason why most folks who hang on until they are older or get married older make it. it's usually because they have learned that winning battles mean nothing. Being happy is about knowing what to say, how to say and when to say it.
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They taught us that in counseling. lol. That's easier said than done when you have two folks that, after 25 or so years, have grown accustomed to giving folks a piece of their mind. Somebody has to know when to back down. For me, it's instinctive to fire off on somebody! :lol:

But I've got a lil' bit better.
 
coldsweat said:
:goodbad: :lol: :lol:

You will be broke though...which will make you sad! :lol:
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You know what makes me mad bruh, these same black women and some men who are throwing Tiger to the wolves voted for Bill Clinton both times for President, and would have voted for him a third time if they could have. Yet they turn around and wanna destroy Tiger for cheating. :lol: Maybe it's because Bill was white and that represents power to them. :shame: Sad man, sad, They know Bill cheated time after time, yet they never talk bad about him. Actually they joke about him being a player, yet they wanna a brother to burn in hell.
 
Tony said:
After reading all this horrible stuff about marriage, y'all been posting
and seeing most people that get married get divorced,

Please can anyone tell me what is the good stuff about marriage that
makes it worth going through or even risk going through all that crap?
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Well....nothing I would say (no pun intended) BUT if I were any man I would date as many women as I can and pray that I find the right for me becasue if that one woman comes along and with all the works then you are in some trouble. FACT: About 3% of men actually find the women that they actually fantisize about which in turn leads to a high level of infadelity sooner or later on in marriage.
 
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There is plenty of Good. People must be equally yoked wit their spouse and of course God. Everybody must be on the same page. Nothing wrong with having an idea of who You want to spend the rest of Your life with. An unrealistic idea is what doom most marriages. Absolute deal breakers have to be kept. Cant just settle for anyone no matter their looks. There's alot of Beautiful but nasty individuals around. Marriage is good. It cant be good without both parties putting in the neccessary work and working as a team pulling the rope together instead of against each other.
 
Xhale's point about the Dvd analogy is right on.

I really do that now as I date. Im older now and I pay close attention to every aspect of a woman. I understand that there is no perfect woman but I look for red flags. If I know that Im a clean guy then I cant be with a nasty woman. Cant do it. No matter how good her cookie taste. Some things that you just cant turn a blind eye to. Keeping a clean house is one of them. If I see that you have no hint of being clean then We wont make it. Dont have to be a neat freak. Im always thinking in terms of the Future.

I really learned to watch the movie track of a woman instead of just her thick ass only.

Dont wanna think Im getting a good dvd and wound up wit Pootytang.
 
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CEE DOG said:
You know what makes me mad bruh, these same black women and some men who are throwing Tiger to the wolves voted for Bill Clinton both times for President, and would have voted for him a third time if they could have. Yet they turn around and wanna destroy Tiger for cheating. :lol: Maybe it's because Bill was white and that represents power to them. :shame: Sad man, sad, They know Bill cheated time after time, yet they never talk bad about him. Actually they joke about him being a player, yet they wanna a brother to burn in hell.
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I was just saying the same thing at work the other day to some of those O-fays and you could have heard a pin drop --the silence was so deafening! :lol:

Had Tiger married a black chick and cheated on her with a white girl, this story would have broke in 1 day and ended the next! :nod: But since this was a white girl, --and with blond hair and blue eyes at that--, this story had the makings of all the things that appeal to "white" America! :lol: :lol:

Maybe this will be a wakeup call for Tiger. I doubt it though. He has been totally brainwashed by white America and he thinks he's one of them. The sad part is they are steadily scheming to find out how they can get even more of his money! :shame:
 



CEE DOG said:
You know what makes me mad bruh, these same black women and some men who are throwing Tiger to the wolves voted for Bill Clinton both times for President, and would have voted for him a third time if they could have. Yet they turn around and wanna destroy Tiger for cheating. :lol: Maybe it's because Bill was white and that represents power to them. :shame: Sad man, sad, They know Bill cheated time after time, yet they never talk bad about him. Actually they joke about him being a player, yet they wanna a brother to burn in hell.
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You're sadly off base with this one...:shame:
 
CEE DOG said:
Cousenling don't mean nothing. The thing is being opened minded and knowing when to agree to disagree, and disagree to agree. Knowing what battles to fight is a mofo. There is a reason why most folks who hang on until they are older or get married older make it. it's usually because they have learned that winning battles mean nothing. Being happy is about knowing what to say, how to say and when to say it.
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This is the attitude of many black men...and the reason for many divorces. The lack of 1) admitting there is a problem; 2) getting the counseling to delve through the issues, put them out where everybody can acknowledge them in order to resolve them and 3)understanding that counseling is not a sign of weakness...but would definitely go a long way in showing you are in this to win this with your spouse. Instead, you guys will continue to go back and forth over the same issues until somebody leaves...

Cee...get married, THEN come back with some fire-tested facts. :kiss:
 
chocalate_topaz said:
This is the attitude of many black men...and the reason for many divorces. The lack of 1) admitting there is a problem; 2) getting the counseling to delve through the issues, put them out where everybody can acknowledge them in order to resolve them and 3)understanding that counseling is not a sign of weakness...but would definitely go a long way in showing you are in this to win this with your spouse. Instead, you guys will continue to go back and forth over the same issues until somebody leaves...

Cee...get married, THEN come back with some fire-tested facts. :kiss:
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So these black women don't play a role in divorces huh? :shame:
 
CEE DOG said:
So these black women don't play a role in divorces huh? :shame:
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Your marriage will fail too, if you are anything in real life the way you post on this board. All you do is play the blame game...everything is NOT always about men vs women. Marriage is a two-way street. Both the man and the woman have to work at it and yes, both have flaws. No one is perfect, especially y'all.
 
Warndalyn said:
Your marriage will fail too, if you are anything in real life the way you post on this board. All you do is play the blame game...everything is NOT always about men vs women. Marriage is a two-way street. Both the man and the woman have to work at it and yes, both have flaws. No one is perfect, especially y'all.
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Oh yea....ain't no contradictions in there.
 
Warndalyn said:
Your marriage will fail too, if you are anything in real life the way you post on this board. All you do is play the blame game...everything is NOT always about men vs women. Marriage is a two-way street. Both the man and the woman have to work at it and yes, both have flaws. No one is perfect, especially y'all.
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Word. Pass the collection plate & let's be dismissed! :clap: :tup:
 
So now yall know my marriage will fail? :lol: So because I ask you guys about Tiger, it's going to my life now? :lol: Man yall beyond funny. :lol:
 
CEE DOG said:
So now yall know my marriage will fail? :lol: So because I ask you guys about Tiger, it's going to my life now? :lol: Man yall beyond funny. :lol:
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I think W~ explained to you why your marriage would fail and it had nothing to do w/Tiger. Re-read bruh!
 
Fortitude said:
I think W~ explained to you why your marriage would fail and it had nothing to do w/Tiger. Re-read bruh!
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Do you know that 70% of the people who seek counseling before and during their marriage still get a divorce? No one can tell you what you have to do in a marriage. No pastor or anyone else can tell me what I need to do. i have to chose what I need to do. If I don't wanna do it, it will not happen. It starts with self. If one holds himself accountable, then anything is possible.
 
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