Are Black Women Scaring Off Their Men?


In too many cases, when dealing with men, you will have to sacrifice
being right in order to enjoy being loved. Being acknowledged as the
head of the household is an especially important thing for many black
men, since their manhood is so often actively challenged everywhere
else.

.[/QUOTE]

I can say I agree with the article mostly. This one part I seem to question a little because this may be where the men may need to check themselves sometimes. I do agree that OUR BLACK MEN are challenged everywhere but when it comes to a marriage and communicating and trying to get to the best decision..it needs to be what makes the most logical reasoning behind an issue not who's right and who's wrong.

I think instances like this happen when the man lacks confidence and belief in themselves that they just have to be right. And this is for anybody(man or woman): The less you believe in yourself, the harder it is to face being wrong sometimes.
 
When I was in high school the attractive white girls dated the White nerds in high school and after the last class reunion some were married to them with their husbands having a good job or their own business. Point. They did not marry those roughneck White dudes who would have probally made their lives bitter.
The real hip and fine sistahs dated some of the cool brothas who sold weed to get money. Most of those sistahs did not show up at the reunion, some were divorced, or killed by their jealous husbands, or their husbands are in prison. These sistahs were all A students also. Maybe it's a culture thing too. That's what I saw then and that's what I see now.So what I am saying these White girls knew who to choose as a mate to avoid a life of hell.
 



The message that I got from the article is that we as educated Black women have become so self-reliant that it gets hard to allow a man to take charge in a relationship.

I discussed this article with a friend and I brought up the point that the difference between women today and those from say 25 or more years ago is that back then women went from their parents house to their husbands house. In these days and times women go to college, get good jobs, and build and maintain their own homes. We become accustomed to living in our own world, coming and going as we please, and doing for ourselves. Its not easy to go from Queen of the castle (having total control), to Queen of the castle (Second in command), especially if its been a number of years that this woman has been living independently.

For many of us all of those extracurricular activities that we participate in are there to keep our minds occupied and they have become a very big part of our lives (church, Grad school, etc.). So, if you are really interested in this woman and you feel as though she doesn't have time for you, communicate this to her. She may not realize that her busyness is hindering your relationship.
 
Well, Corey's still around, so I guess I ain't did a good enough job of running his ass off, yet ... :rolleyes:

Or, is that my goal?

Corey, is that my goal?

WTF is my goal?

*gone to purchase Schlitterbahn tickets*
 
lilC said:
And yes, white women and men have their problems too: divorce, age distribution,etc.
Click to expand...

Thank you. Why do we always compare our situation to theirs? Low self esteem I tell ya. Many of our negative traits we adopted from them since intergration (divorce and abortion).
 
The article hit it right on the nail. That's why I make comments about women not knowing how to treat men. For one, its nothing wrong with having standards, but can we please make them realistic. For every professional woman, there is not a professional man available. Sorry. Two, a man is not impressed if you have a degree, because it is not an indicator of how you will treat him in a relationship. It just sends out a signal about your earning potential. Some of these woman just don't want to let it go. I understand women need attention, but can it be about the man at least 1% of the time. The anology of hand dancing and bopping(which is in the family as steppin' heeeeeeeeeeeyyy) really drives the point across regarding the male and female relationship. They both have to be on the same count but their foot work is different and in the end, the man leads. Everything is at his tempo. But if he is just good at the basics and she has her footwork and moves down pat, she makes him look better and vice versa. Men and women are suppose to work together in the roles that nature has assigned, not adopted traits for an INDUVIDUALS survival.
 
J4J said:
JR: You make a good point, but you are missing one thing.

Some women may have had dad in the home. It did not make him a good dad.

AND

Some women may have had a GOOD dad in the home and does not have an issue stemming from dad. It may have been HER choice in men that made her "bitter". So most people I know going into "self-preservation" mode when they are harmed. Unless they lost all self-esteem, which in that case, she does not preserve self...She's the one that is beat upside the head and everybody BUT her thinks she needs to leave that sorry tired negro....

These are just examples...
Click to expand...

It's a beautiful thing that a black woman can admit that this is the case with some of her sisters. It seeems that the women that fall in this category normally get on the defensive whenever it's presented.
 
northern tiger said:
Thank you. Why do we always compare our situation to theirs? Low self esteem I tell ya. Many of our negative traits we adopted from them since intergration (divorce and abortion).
Click to expand...
Yes they do have their problems;but not on such a large scale as in the African American community.

We are 12% of population, Black men are now the largest segment in prison; the percentage African American females heading households is higher than White. It's natural to compare with another when the other is more successful.

I think most Black folx in America are in serious denial that we have some sort of family structure crisis that's been going on long way before any of us were born.
It's an old farmers story that if you kill the Rooster you kill the chicken coop. The male taking the lead, the male being the leader is not something that man decided for himself.

That title was bestowed upon males from the Creator,God, Allah, whomever you believe in for a purpose. Superior strength and attitude breeds superior ambitions. And if those ambitions are not guided correctly then you have trouble in WHICH WE HAVE TODAY,YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW in the Black community.

It's a moot point, really the problem is recognized but it is totally being ignored.

When you mess with the Natural Order of any species then you have a castrophe, and that order was the role is the Rooster in the Black family has changed for the worse.The Black male being not having the last word or second in his home ain't working, never will worked, never has worked, ain't gonna never work.

It's a Natural Order of survival, the strong survives. Strong male leadership is all but invisible in most Black homes today.
 
pbla said:
Yes they do have their problems;but not on such a large scale as in the African American community. This is false. The "large scale" isn't necessarily limited to one factor. C'mon, genetically and socially-people really ARE people. White or black....someone will have paranoid schitzophrenia (sp) and someone will be extremely attractive but be sociopathic.

We are 12% of population, Black men are now the largest segment in prison; the percentage African American females heading households is higher than White. It's natural to compare with another when the other is more successful.This isn't as a result of our cultural (whatever they may be) ideals on family and sexual selection. The United States justice system has always operated on severely flawed policies.

I think most Black folx in America are in serious denial that we have some sort of family structure crisis that's been going on long way before any of us were born. I agree that there's a problem. But it's not MORE of a problem than any other "ethnic" group.
Click to expand...

Like I said, some sistah's are unrealistic about who really is "Mr. Right" and some sistah's want a pet and not a mate. It's an ego thing. An independent woman is independent so she has a huge ego. So is a brotha who's escaped the rest of the "challenges" he's destined to go through. Then you have alot of sistah's who don't give a dayum about the challenges because she might not have had the same challenges. I.E., the corporate, self-sufficient sistah who's "made it" and thinks most of the brother's she meets who have "made it" don't want her because they're somehow "lost". Just look at Oprah......
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top