Seeing Your Ex in Public with Your New Significant Other


The Founder said:
Aww hell...your ass was too young. Married in less than year....wow.
Click to expand...
Well, we were married 17 years....I think people should wait longer AND get plenty of realistic counseling....the societal norms have changed...it's time for folks to change with them. Preachers with that obey stuff...man GTFOH
 
chocalate_topaz said:
SAme husband...time to sell trailer. GF of dude and I had corresponded and I told her $7500 firm since it had all appliances. She says, then say $8500 and he will be ready at the $7500. Cool. Told hubby what the plan was. When time came, he looked at dude and said, well, Imma give you a good deal...$5500. My head swiveled on my neck and I stared. Did he say $2000 LESS than we all knew we wanted?

Listening to my mama and her "good wife" advice....and the list goes on and on and on....

Every man can't lead. Work with your STRENGTHS.... That's why black women like PARTNERSHIPS.
Click to expand...
Now you KNOW I hollered!...........LOL
 
Last edited:



chocalate_topaz said:
Nope, he wasn't a sorry ass motherfucker....he worked hard but he had no real father figure to show him some things. He wasn't a leader but because he was big, they wanted him to be and he tried to "play that role"....that whole fake til you make it/I don't know what i'm doing but I ain't gonna ask nobody and look weak bullshit...instead of saying what he didn't get and being okay with me putting my strengths into play--logistics, money, deals...how much we could have overcome if he had been able/allowed to articulate that stuff without feeling emasculated...that shit was/still is promoted by all generations....instead we all suffer...

Founder, my statement of partnership is based on mutual respect allowing each of our strengths to be maximized for the good of US...it ain't a roommate, split the bills down the middle...

I've mentioned this before...a psychologists came to ASU and gave us a talk about how races view relationships:
Caucasian- God complex--he wants to be king, them subjects AND he is willing to pay the price to get it his way--foot all the bills as long as they are at his beck and call...he wants to own and control it ALL.

Africans- Partnerships--they work well when they work together...each reaffirming what they bring to the table. They SHARE

Asian- Collectives- tend to be made up of people who work together. They tend to each other's needs without the focus being only on THEM...That group becomes close knit, life long friends--kids are friends and rarely do outsiders get invited inside. It is thought that if there are 2 widows...they tend to marry each other...
Click to expand...

Ok thanks for the clarification.

I think the researcher is biased a bit but I follow.
 
Let me clarify what I mean. My point is there can't be two heads of the house hold. Even in business one partner is stronger than one in some areas. Marriage is a compromise, but the black church has taught us that men must always let the woman be more powerful to have a happy life. The old saying if the wife ain't happy no one is happy has been taking to if you don't do what your wife says you will be made miserable. Both have a roll to play. The husband isn't more important than his wife, nor is the wife more important than her husband, but allowing your husband to make decisions teaches him to lead. So what he fuks up a few times. He learns from that. Black educated women will throw that failure in the black man's face for the next 20 years. We all know the wife input is very important, but only the black woman will step in front of her husband in public and makes it seems like he is weak. We've all seen it in our family and friends. Just being honest. The black woman saw the slave master take a black man's pride and they continue to do it. Many times subconsciously, but they do it because it has become routine.
 
CEE DOG said:
Let me clarify what I mean. My point is there can't be two heads of the house hold. Even in business one partner is stronger than one in some areas. Marriage is a compromise, but the black church has taught us that men must always let the woman be more powerful to have a happy life. The old saying if the wife ain't happy no one is happy has been taking to if you don't do what your wife says you will be made miserable. Both have a roll to play. The husband isn't more important than his wife, nor is the wife more important than her husband, but allowing your husband to make decisions teaches him to lead. So what he fuks up a few times. He learns from that. Black educated women will throw that failure in the black man's face for the next 20 years. We all know the wife input is very important, but only the black woman will step in front of her husband in public and makes it seems like he is weak. We've all seen it in our family and friends. Just being honest. The black woman saw the slave master take a black man's pride and they continue to do it. Many times subconsciously, but they do it because it has become routine.
Click to expand...

It's always interesting how we all have different perspectives on the same topic. See, I've seen the church say submit...NEVER seen or heard let the woman be more powerful to be happy EVER. To be honest, that Happy Wife, Happy Life, is something I always attributed to white women until recently. Because not all but most of the black men I've encountered always thought they were better than black women. My old brother in law said he felt that 80% of women were dumb as dirt. And to be honest, if you see a women putting her man out there...Oh best believe she's been through the ringer and THAT DAY was the day she was too full to hold it in any longer. Maybe it's seeing how life "could" be an many being unable to get over the rainbow to have a relationship that flies higher than normal bullshit. I had this saying and still find it to be true many times: One thing a black man is good at is telling a black woman NO. Before we even finish the sentence, most have said no. Can we go on vaca...NO. Want to go to a mov...NO. You want to go on a crui...No....I've honestly thought we have gotten so "set" in our mindsets, that getting to happy will take WAY more dialoguing and honesty about what each side truly wants and needs...there is much mimicry of what others are doing versus getting what you truly need. I guess it's hard to have an authentic relationship...because, sad to say...most folks can't handle the TRUE YOU...
 
chocalate_topaz said:
It's always interesting how we all have different perspectives on the same topic. See, I've seen the church say submit...NEVER seen or heard let the woman be more powerful to be happy EVER. To be honest, that Happy Wife, Happy Life, is something I always attributed to white women until recently. Because not all but most of the black men I've encountered always thought they were better than black women. My old brother in law said he felt that 80% of women were dumb as dirt. And to be honest, if you see a women putting her man out there...Oh best believe she's been through the ringer and THAT DAY was the day she was too full to hold it in any longer. Maybe it's seeing how life "could" be an many being unable to get over the rainbow to have a relationship that flies higher than normal bullshit. I had this saying and still find it to be true many times: One thing a black man is good at is telling a black woman NO. Before we even finish the sentence, most have said no. Can we go on vaca...NO. Want to go to a mov...NO. You want to go on a crui...No....I've honestly thought we have gotten so "set" in our mindsets, that getting to happy will take WAY more dialoguing and honesty about what each side truly wants and needs...there is much mimicry of what others are doing versus getting what you truly need. I guess it's hard to have an authentic relationship...because, sad to say...most folks can't handle the TRUE YOU...
Click to expand...
Growing up I heard churches preaching the women submitting. My church in VA now.. Not even close. It is definitely a pro woman leading theology.
 
Cee...now this: The black woman saw the slave master take a black man's pride and they continue to do it. Many times subconsciously, but they do it because it has become routine.

What you call purposeful emasculation is for many fear manifested. Maybe black women do have that old I want him to be saved mentality... maybe that's why so many have babied their sons and tried to shush their men because they know they are picking them off in the daylight and I/her/she doesn't want our number to be picked for the picking off today....we just got to get to dialoguing cause most women, like black men, got fear riding on our shoulders day in and day out. Y'all out of our sight, we worried, wondering...it's exhausting. Then you come in late talking about you were out shooting hoops with your boys...we boil over and things go from tolerable to intolerable real fast...
 
c_t, it appears you had a hard working man who was clueless about business....or maybe just really soft-hearted. Probably more of the former....what do you say?
 
Don't get me wrong I see and feel what you're saying. Personally I love a strong woman. I'm an alpha male and to have a strong female means strong genes being passed on. I couldn't be with a yes type woman or a woman who didn't tell me when I was wrong. Unfortunately many of my black men can't handle that. We have the baby boy syndrome because so many black men failed at their duty of raising kids. Black men have to take responsibility for the state of our community. I will never disagree with that. I'm just pointing out some factors that stand out in the black male/female relationships. One reason the thugs clinch on to certain women is because he is strong physically and street wise, but lacks the mental strength. This is why the women he dates does everything for him and is the mouth piece for him. The problem is many of these women eventually leave the bad boy thug alone and gets with the educated guy as she matures and can't leave that syndrome of baby boy behind. We have a lot of discussions that need to take place in our community. Seriously we do.

chocalate_topaz said:
Cee...now this: The black woman saw the slave master take a black man's pride and they continue to do it. Many times subconsciously, but they do it because it has become routine.

What you call purposeful emasculation is for many fear manifested. Maybe black women do have that old I want him to be saved mentality... maybe that's why so many have babied their sons and tried to shush their men because they know they are picking them off in the daylight and I/her/she doesn't want our number to be picked for the picking off today....we just got to get to dialoguing cause most women, like black men, got fear riding on our shoulders day in and day out. Y'all out of our sight, we worried, wondering...it's exhausting. Then you come in late talking about you were out shooting hoops with your boys...we boil over and things go from tolerable to intolerable real fast...
Click to expand...
 
chocalate_topaz said:
Well, we were married 17 years....I think people should wait longer AND get plenty of realistic counseling....the societal norms have changed...it's time for folks to change with them. Preachers with that obey stuff...man GTFOH
Click to expand...

My mentor, a gentleman in is 70s and married for 50 years, mentioned how we all have to adapt to, and accept, changing societal norms as it relates to coupling.
 



The Founder said:
Yall keep trying to push ideologies....yall better push what makes YOUR marriage work.
Click to expand...
It's not pushing ideological issues. It's pushing life. The reality of life comes with changes. Either you adapt or you fail. The divorce rate is high amongst blacks because no one tells the truth in our community. It's just like health issues. Instead of telling what goes on in family we keep quiet and those same health issues are passed on generation after generation without anyone knowing certain issues are in our genes.
 
CEE DOG said:
It's not pushing ideological issues. It's pushing life. The reality of life comes with changes. Either you adapt or you fail. The divorce rate is high amongst blacks because no one tells the truth in our community. It's just like health issues. Instead of telling what goes on in family we keep quiet and those same health issues are passed on generation after generation without anyone knowing certain issues are in our genes.
Click to expand...
Yep, lies passed down from generation to generation...
 
CEE DOG said:
It's not pushing ideological issues. It's pushing life. The reality of life comes with changes. Either you adapt or you fail. The divorce rate is high amongst blacks because no one tells the truth in our community. It's just like health issues. Instead of telling what goes on in family we keep quiet and those same health issues are passed on generation after generation without anyone knowing certain issues are in our genes.
Click to expand...

Same thing that I said...do what makes your marriage work. There are too many people in this world trying to give advice after failing but they themselves never retake the test....

I love making my wife happy and she loves not forcing me to sacrifice my own beliefs to make her happy. I agree that there is not enough honesty in relationships. In my belief my wife should be strong at what I am weak in....moreover she believes certain shit a man should take care of. Prime example the water pipes in my rental property backed up. She said "the water backed up." She then went and got a blanket, sat on the sofa and went to sleep. I made all the arrangments to get it fixed. When the plumber came she got up and went in the room because she feels that no man outside of me should see her sleeping.
 
Founder...sounds like you have a good wife...don't fuck it up....stay out of these half naked, open toed shoes women topics...and red headed hood chick topics, hear?
 
chocalate_topaz said:
Founder...sounds like you have a good wife...don't fuck it up....stay out of these half naked, open toed shoes women topics...and red headed hood chick topics, hear?
Click to expand...

Just something to get me through my work day....if you notice you don't see a post from me on weekends...and I only post Monday through Friday from 8 am to 4:30 pm....

"My posting hours are Monday to Friday 8 am to 4:30 pm"
maxresdefault.jpg
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top