jelli
Music Lover
I got this in an email it is funny as "l"
?
I've sent out reviews and other? foolishness for a few years now but nothing has
gotten the response nor the? circulation like the "1st Annual Profteezy awards".
Now, I don't? appreciate the few folks who took my name off the awards and just
sent it out? like another one of these anonymous emails so no hating this time
please.?? Also, I gotta give props to Sherrida for her help in this year's
awards as well? as last year's. Unless you were in my basement again you missed
the? broadcast.? And though we tried to go live on the net, none of the nominees
showed up for some reason.?? Here's what you and they missed???..
1. MOST OVERRATED ARTIST OF THE YEAR:? Alicia Keys
I'm sorry but somebody gotta say it!? I'M SICK OF THIS FRAUD!?? Now, I'm not
saying she's isn't talented, but? she's not THAT friggin'? talented.? 5 Grammys?
Lauryn Hill won 5 and Alicia can't carry? Lauryn's tampon.? And that Jr. High
school piano recital playing really? pisses me off.? Take Clive Davis
(President/CEO of J Records her label) out? of the equation and she's just
another neo-soul wanna-be.? Great marketing,? cute face, and a hit song can fool
us all.? And could she have at least? gave India Arie some love at the Grammy's
considering how snubbed she was.?? No hating, just the? facts!
NO RUNNER UP!
2. CAUGHT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN AWARD:? R. Kelly
You remind me of a pedophile!? What is really on ole boy's? mind?? Hey, some say
it's debatable whether or not it's him in the video? but the **** don't look
good considering his track record. Now we know who the? song "baby, baby, baby"
was for.? It's a damn shame because he's too? talented to be feeling on this
kind of booty.
Runner up: Blu Cantrell? (uh, you seen the pics!? If not, go? here?..hehehe!
3. HOODRAT SONG OF THE YEAR:? "Any Other Night"? Sharissa
Nae-Nae and Shae-Shae nem think this is the bomb ass? song ever.? I'm sorry but
I don't see anybody sweatin' Sharissa's ass so? who cares if another ***** is
hittin' it.? She reminds me of Mary J's? ghetto ass welfare receivin' section 8
livin' neice.? If you're in a car? saying "hey, that's my jam!", you are
officially ghetto.????? Runner up: "Feeling On Yo Booty" R. Kelly ? (He was
clowned? earlier.)
4. GHETTO COUPLE OF THE YEAR:? Usher &? Chili
It is ghetto when you drop your baby-daddy producer? who's written hits at the
same label you're on to hook up with a 10 years? younger than you labelmate who
rolls in the same circle.? This has all the? makings of a bad ass black soap
opera.? Will Dallas Austin the famed? producer and baby-daddy have the last
laugh or will Chili the baby mama drama? diva marry young Usher at his high
school graduation???? Stay? Tuned!!????? Runner up:? Natina Reed from the? group
Blaque and Kurupt? (the rumor has it she's pregnant by Suge Knight,? talk about
ghetto!)
5. MOST ANNOYING & HATED VIDEO SHOW HOST? AWARD:? A.J from 106 & Park
First things? first, are those Predator braid/dreads his?? He ****in' sucks!
They? should let Free do all the talking???uh no, they should get rid of his
trying? too hard to fit in ass and give her the show.? He has no vibe and
totally? ruins the chemistry by talking over Free all the damn time.? Who's dick
did? he suck to get that job?? Oh, my bad, it's BET!!? No? wonder??????? Runner
up: Cita (The 2nd most? embarrassing **** bout us after Afroman.)
6.??? WORST? TRANSITION FROM SINGER TO ACTRESS:?? Mariah Carey
"Glitter" is possibly one of the worst movies ever made.? Even the BET? awards
won't acknowledge this film.? Now the word is she's in another movie? coming
soon that has some critics saying she'll redeem herself in the acting
department.? MC, it better be an Oscar winning? performance.????? Runner Up:
Britney Spears (Did? anybody but 14 year old white girls go see her? flick?)
7.??? WORST TRANSITION FROM RAPPER TO ACTOR:?? DMX
I thought this cat was gonna be the next? Tupac.? Oops!? Did you see "Exit
Wounds"??? Was the ***** reading? from cue cards?? Wil Smith and Ice Cube got
every casting agent in? Hollywood skipping over the Morris Chestnut's and
grabbing the first rapper with? a hit.? DMX needs to go to the Queen Latifah/Mos
Def School Of Acting For? Rappers.????????????? Runner's Up: P-Diddy & Snoop Dog
("Bones" is out on video now.?? Go boycott it.)
8. BORN WITHOUT A PERSONALITY? AWARD:?? Joe
If Joe (as dope as he is) had half of a? personality he'd be as big if not
bigger than an R.Kelly or a Brian? McKnight.? But, he can't dance and he has no
kind of vibe whatsoever.?? It's sad because we all dig his music and there's a
bunch of women who'd do him? but he's about as exciting to watch as a wet dish
rag laying on the sink while? listening to Isiah Thomas talk about his career.
Runner? up: Mya (She's "Free" to bore the hell out of all of us)
9. LABEL? THAT FELL THE **** OFF:? Cash Money Records
I think? Juvenille jinxed the the label because as soon as he stopped showing up
in Cash? Money videos and let ere' body know he had beef, they went south. (no
pun? intended)? Better start pawning all that platinum soon and ya'll can start
with the teeth.? Run Mac 10, run!
Runner Up: Death? Row (Just don't give Suge my email address???please, I'm
begging? you!)
10. CAPTAIN SAVE-A-SONG:? JaRule
Need a? hit?? Call JaRule!? J-lo's album was all but forgotten until she? hooked
up with him.? Fat Joe gotta hit out with him on the hook and now? Ashanti is
about to blow up.? This *****'s stock is rising like a Vince? Carter vertical.
Runner? up:? Missy (Have you seen her Reebok commercials??? Dope.)
11. DISAPPEARED AND WE COULD CARE LESS AWARD:??? Sisqo
Hide nor hair. Whistle nor peep of this? fool.? After all that hype on this last
album and no love, my man is harder? to find than Bin Laden nem.??? Runner up:
Foxy Brown?? (Is it me or does she look like she stinks?)
12. I GOT ISSUES WIT YOU,? WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT, WANNA HEAR IT , HERE IT GOES
AWARD: "Son-of-a-gun"? Janet Jackson
Ok, we definitely got personal this time.?? I'm so glad I'm not ole boy.
Imagine trying to get a date after Janet? throws you up under a bus.? Basically,
if yo woman has the means of dogging? you for the **** you did by putting you on
blast world wide you need to be "ALL? FOR HER".??? Runner's up:? "Ain't It
Funny" J-Lo? (Shoot It!) & "Survivor" Destiny's Child (Word is those chicks that
got the boot are trying to sue over this song.? Just a waste of damn? money.)
13. ARTIST MOST PENALIZED BECAUSE OF THEIR LOOKS:?? India Arie
A mutha****in' shame.? I clowned her last year? about not being the average girl
in a video at ALL, but I gotta give it up for? her talent.? She's the real deal.
India and Jill Scott both would've? went platinum in no time had the skin been a
little lighter or the shape a? little thinner.???? Runner up:? Angie? Stone
(Damn Angie I love ya but you and Missy is about neck and neck? minus the hit
songs.)
14. THE? ONE-HIT WONDER AWARD:?? Afroman "Because I Got High"
Probably the most ****ing? embarrassing song of year from the most ****ing
embarrassing black artist out? this year. And the ***** had the nerve to show up
at the Grammys.? I? sincerely hope this weed head is never allowed near a studio
again.?????????????????????? Runner Up: Sunshine Anderson? (Guess we won't "hear
it all? again")
15. MOST QUESTIONABLE SEXUALITY AWARD:?? Maxwell
How come we never see this cat with a? woman?? Hmmm, inquiring minds would like
to know.
Runner up: Alicia? Keys (The word for today Alicia is "femininity")
16. THE SHAQUILLE? ONEAL ATHLETE THAT GOT NO BUSINESS RAPPING AWARD:? Roy Jones
Jr.
What he needs to do is stop running from Benard Hopkins and put the? ****ing
microphone down.? I seen ya last fight where you put your hands? behind your
back and still knocked a fool out!? I seen it, I seen it!?? But I also heard you
rap and if you don't hit the gym and leave the studio alone? some Philly boy is
gonna knock you on yo ass.?? Uh, it won't be me Roy? so please don't hurt me!
Runner up:? Allen Iverson? (Man, what happened to the Sixers this year??)
17. FEMALE ARTIST YOU'D? LOVE TO BONE:?? TIE: Janet Jackson & Claudette Oritz
(City? High)
This was close because lately all I've been hearing is "man, that? ***** from
City High is DOPE!!"? So, I was gonna go with her straight up? then HBO messed
around and played Janet in concert and I damn near jumped thru? the damn TV!? I
had to give her props because she just won't? slip!??? Runner up: Beyonce (With
them "I'm somebody's? mama" hips)
18. MALE ARTIST YOU'D LOVE TO BONE:? Lenny? Kravitz
Females just trip off the mention of his name.? Now, the? hoodrats ain't totally
feeling Lenny.? They like, "he got a nice body and? all but I don't be likin'
all the Erykah Badu type **** wit a *****!? I? need some Thug passion an ****!"
As a musician, I ain't got nothing but? love for this cat.?? Runner up: Tyrese
(Hey, think of a? better one ladies and hit me off wit it!)
19. SONG WE NEVER WANT TO HEAR? AGAIN:? "Fallin" Alicia Keys
Am I hating? yet???????? Runner's up: "I'm Real" J-Lo?? (Shoot it!) & "It Wasn't
Me" Shaggy (And I better not see him no? where either!)
20. BUSTA RHYMES WANNA-BE? AWARD:?? Ludacris
Not that Busta has fell off but this cat? may have taken his place as the most
animated rapper.? And now that it's? cool to be country, Ludacris has put that
flava with over-the-top theatrics and? made the **** dope.? The durty south is
definitely reppin' hip-hop!
Runner up: Mystical (I think he's getting carried away with the? hip-hop James
Brown **** though)
21. LEFT EYE ***** IS CRAZY? AWARD:? KeKe Wyatt
Homechick broke out the? Ginsu knife and straight shanked her husband.? Maybe
the ***** said some? **** like "IS YOU ****IN' AVANT ?!" and she stabbed his
ass.? He didn't? press charges which leaves me to believe he thinks she's gonna
blow up and his? ass would be left at home watching her on TV kickin' it with
Taye Diggs at the? Grammys.? Runner up:? Pink (She ain't did **** she just seems
to be? nuts)
22. THE SONS OF P-FUNK AWARD:? Outkast
??? Easily one of the most important groups in Hip-Hop.?? Andre' 3000 is on some
Bootsy **** for real!
??? Runner? up:? Cee-Lo of Goodie Mob (This boy gon' be a preacher one day
watch!)
23. HAS ANYBODY SEEN ME? AWARD: Lauryn? Hill
Please come out L-Boogie!? We missin' you and ****.?? There's this wanna-be
chick that's out here fraudulent and stealing all your? thunder.? Let her know
who's the truth and stop trippin' off yo baby daddy!? Runner up: Monica? (Did
C-Murder shoot you too??)
24. LOOK LIKE THEY? GOT AN S.T.D AWARD:? Trick Daddy
"Mr. Daddy, the nurse? will see you now."????? Runner up: Trina (Never? trust a
big butt and a smile)
Thank you for coming, God bless and? goodnight??????.
?
I've sent out reviews and other? foolishness for a few years now but nothing has
gotten the response nor the? circulation like the "1st Annual Profteezy awards".
Now, I don't? appreciate the few folks who took my name off the awards and just
sent it out? like another one of these anonymous emails so no hating this time
please.?? Also, I gotta give props to Sherrida for her help in this year's
awards as well? as last year's. Unless you were in my basement again you missed
the? broadcast.? And though we tried to go live on the net, none of the nominees
showed up for some reason.?? Here's what you and they missed???..
1. MOST OVERRATED ARTIST OF THE YEAR:? Alicia Keys
I'm sorry but somebody gotta say it!? I'M SICK OF THIS FRAUD!?? Now, I'm not
saying she's isn't talented, but? she's not THAT friggin'? talented.? 5 Grammys?
Lauryn Hill won 5 and Alicia can't carry? Lauryn's tampon.? And that Jr. High
school piano recital playing really? pisses me off.? Take Clive Davis
(President/CEO of J Records her label) out? of the equation and she's just
another neo-soul wanna-be.? Great marketing,? cute face, and a hit song can fool
us all.? And could she have at least? gave India Arie some love at the Grammy's
considering how snubbed she was.?? No hating, just the? facts!
NO RUNNER UP!
2. CAUGHT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN AWARD:? R. Kelly
You remind me of a pedophile!? What is really on ole boy's? mind?? Hey, some say
it's debatable whether or not it's him in the video? but the **** don't look
good considering his track record. Now we know who the? song "baby, baby, baby"
was for.? It's a damn shame because he's too? talented to be feeling on this
kind of booty.
Runner up: Blu Cantrell? (uh, you seen the pics!? If not, go? here?..hehehe!
3. HOODRAT SONG OF THE YEAR:? "Any Other Night"? Sharissa
Nae-Nae and Shae-Shae nem think this is the bomb ass? song ever.? I'm sorry but
I don't see anybody sweatin' Sharissa's ass so? who cares if another ***** is
hittin' it.? She reminds me of Mary J's? ghetto ass welfare receivin' section 8
livin' neice.? If you're in a car? saying "hey, that's my jam!", you are
officially ghetto.????? Runner up: "Feeling On Yo Booty" R. Kelly ? (He was
clowned? earlier.)
4. GHETTO COUPLE OF THE YEAR:? Usher &? Chili
It is ghetto when you drop your baby-daddy producer? who's written hits at the
same label you're on to hook up with a 10 years? younger than you labelmate who
rolls in the same circle.? This has all the? makings of a bad ass black soap
opera.? Will Dallas Austin the famed? producer and baby-daddy have the last
laugh or will Chili the baby mama drama? diva marry young Usher at his high
school graduation???? Stay? Tuned!!????? Runner up:? Natina Reed from the? group
Blaque and Kurupt? (the rumor has it she's pregnant by Suge Knight,? talk about
ghetto!)
5. MOST ANNOYING & HATED VIDEO SHOW HOST? AWARD:? A.J from 106 & Park
First things? first, are those Predator braid/dreads his?? He ****in' sucks!
They? should let Free do all the talking???uh no, they should get rid of his
trying? too hard to fit in ass and give her the show.? He has no vibe and
totally? ruins the chemistry by talking over Free all the damn time.? Who's dick
did? he suck to get that job?? Oh, my bad, it's BET!!? No? wonder??????? Runner
up: Cita (The 2nd most? embarrassing **** bout us after Afroman.)
6.??? WORST? TRANSITION FROM SINGER TO ACTRESS:?? Mariah Carey
"Glitter" is possibly one of the worst movies ever made.? Even the BET? awards
won't acknowledge this film.? Now the word is she's in another movie? coming
soon that has some critics saying she'll redeem herself in the acting
department.? MC, it better be an Oscar winning? performance.????? Runner Up:
Britney Spears (Did? anybody but 14 year old white girls go see her? flick?)
7.??? WORST TRANSITION FROM RAPPER TO ACTOR:?? DMX
I thought this cat was gonna be the next? Tupac.? Oops!? Did you see "Exit
Wounds"??? Was the ***** reading? from cue cards?? Wil Smith and Ice Cube got
every casting agent in? Hollywood skipping over the Morris Chestnut's and
grabbing the first rapper with? a hit.? DMX needs to go to the Queen Latifah/Mos
Def School Of Acting For? Rappers.????????????? Runner's Up: P-Diddy & Snoop Dog
("Bones" is out on video now.?? Go boycott it.)
8. BORN WITHOUT A PERSONALITY? AWARD:?? Joe
If Joe (as dope as he is) had half of a? personality he'd be as big if not
bigger than an R.Kelly or a Brian? McKnight.? But, he can't dance and he has no
kind of vibe whatsoever.?? It's sad because we all dig his music and there's a
bunch of women who'd do him? but he's about as exciting to watch as a wet dish
rag laying on the sink while? listening to Isiah Thomas talk about his career.
Runner? up: Mya (She's "Free" to bore the hell out of all of us)
9. LABEL? THAT FELL THE **** OFF:? Cash Money Records
I think? Juvenille jinxed the the label because as soon as he stopped showing up
in Cash? Money videos and let ere' body know he had beef, they went south. (no
pun? intended)? Better start pawning all that platinum soon and ya'll can start
with the teeth.? Run Mac 10, run!
Runner Up: Death? Row (Just don't give Suge my email address???please, I'm
begging? you!)
10. CAPTAIN SAVE-A-SONG:? JaRule
Need a? hit?? Call JaRule!? J-lo's album was all but forgotten until she? hooked
up with him.? Fat Joe gotta hit out with him on the hook and now? Ashanti is
about to blow up.? This *****'s stock is rising like a Vince? Carter vertical.
Runner? up:? Missy (Have you seen her Reebok commercials??? Dope.)
11. DISAPPEARED AND WE COULD CARE LESS AWARD:??? Sisqo
Hide nor hair. Whistle nor peep of this? fool.? After all that hype on this last
album and no love, my man is harder? to find than Bin Laden nem.??? Runner up:
Foxy Brown?? (Is it me or does she look like she stinks?)
12. I GOT ISSUES WIT YOU,? WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT, WANNA HEAR IT , HERE IT GOES
AWARD: "Son-of-a-gun"? Janet Jackson
Ok, we definitely got personal this time.?? I'm so glad I'm not ole boy.
Imagine trying to get a date after Janet? throws you up under a bus.? Basically,
if yo woman has the means of dogging? you for the **** you did by putting you on
blast world wide you need to be "ALL? FOR HER".??? Runner's up:? "Ain't It
Funny" J-Lo? (Shoot It!) & "Survivor" Destiny's Child (Word is those chicks that
got the boot are trying to sue over this song.? Just a waste of damn? money.)
13. ARTIST MOST PENALIZED BECAUSE OF THEIR LOOKS:?? India Arie
A mutha****in' shame.? I clowned her last year? about not being the average girl
in a video at ALL, but I gotta give it up for? her talent.? She's the real deal.
India and Jill Scott both would've? went platinum in no time had the skin been a
little lighter or the shape a? little thinner.???? Runner up:? Angie? Stone
(Damn Angie I love ya but you and Missy is about neck and neck? minus the hit
songs.)
14. THE? ONE-HIT WONDER AWARD:?? Afroman "Because I Got High"
Probably the most ****ing? embarrassing song of year from the most ****ing
embarrassing black artist out? this year. And the ***** had the nerve to show up
at the Grammys.? I? sincerely hope this weed head is never allowed near a studio
again.?????????????????????? Runner Up: Sunshine Anderson? (Guess we won't "hear
it all? again")
15. MOST QUESTIONABLE SEXUALITY AWARD:?? Maxwell
How come we never see this cat with a? woman?? Hmmm, inquiring minds would like
to know.
Runner up: Alicia? Keys (The word for today Alicia is "femininity")
16. THE SHAQUILLE? ONEAL ATHLETE THAT GOT NO BUSINESS RAPPING AWARD:? Roy Jones
Jr.
What he needs to do is stop running from Benard Hopkins and put the? ****ing
microphone down.? I seen ya last fight where you put your hands? behind your
back and still knocked a fool out!? I seen it, I seen it!?? But I also heard you
rap and if you don't hit the gym and leave the studio alone? some Philly boy is
gonna knock you on yo ass.?? Uh, it won't be me Roy? so please don't hurt me!
Runner up:? Allen Iverson? (Man, what happened to the Sixers this year??)
17. FEMALE ARTIST YOU'D? LOVE TO BONE:?? TIE: Janet Jackson & Claudette Oritz
(City? High)
This was close because lately all I've been hearing is "man, that? ***** from
City High is DOPE!!"? So, I was gonna go with her straight up? then HBO messed
around and played Janet in concert and I damn near jumped thru? the damn TV!? I
had to give her props because she just won't? slip!??? Runner up: Beyonce (With
them "I'm somebody's? mama" hips)
18. MALE ARTIST YOU'D LOVE TO BONE:? Lenny? Kravitz
Females just trip off the mention of his name.? Now, the? hoodrats ain't totally
feeling Lenny.? They like, "he got a nice body and? all but I don't be likin'
all the Erykah Badu type **** wit a *****!? I? need some Thug passion an ****!"
As a musician, I ain't got nothing but? love for this cat.?? Runner up: Tyrese
(Hey, think of a? better one ladies and hit me off wit it!)
19. SONG WE NEVER WANT TO HEAR? AGAIN:? "Fallin" Alicia Keys
Am I hating? yet???????? Runner's up: "I'm Real" J-Lo?? (Shoot it!) & "It Wasn't
Me" Shaggy (And I better not see him no? where either!)
20. BUSTA RHYMES WANNA-BE? AWARD:?? Ludacris
Not that Busta has fell off but this cat? may have taken his place as the most
animated rapper.? And now that it's? cool to be country, Ludacris has put that
flava with over-the-top theatrics and? made the **** dope.? The durty south is
definitely reppin' hip-hop!
Runner up: Mystical (I think he's getting carried away with the? hip-hop James
Brown **** though)
21. LEFT EYE ***** IS CRAZY? AWARD:? KeKe Wyatt
Homechick broke out the? Ginsu knife and straight shanked her husband.? Maybe
the ***** said some? **** like "IS YOU ****IN' AVANT ?!" and she stabbed his
ass.? He didn't? press charges which leaves me to believe he thinks she's gonna
blow up and his? ass would be left at home watching her on TV kickin' it with
Taye Diggs at the? Grammys.? Runner up:? Pink (She ain't did **** she just seems
to be? nuts)
22. THE SONS OF P-FUNK AWARD:? Outkast
??? Easily one of the most important groups in Hip-Hop.?? Andre' 3000 is on some
Bootsy **** for real!
??? Runner? up:? Cee-Lo of Goodie Mob (This boy gon' be a preacher one day
watch!)
23. HAS ANYBODY SEEN ME? AWARD: Lauryn? Hill
Please come out L-Boogie!? We missin' you and ****.?? There's this wanna-be
chick that's out here fraudulent and stealing all your? thunder.? Let her know
who's the truth and stop trippin' off yo baby daddy!? Runner up: Monica? (Did
C-Murder shoot you too??)
24. LOOK LIKE THEY? GOT AN S.T.D AWARD:? Trick Daddy
"Mr. Daddy, the nurse? will see you now."????? Runner up: Trina (Never? trust a
big butt and a smile)
Thank you for coming, God bless and? goodnight??????.
