Doctors Have Good Stories, too
> >
> > A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is going to have her baby
> in the cab!"
> > I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
> and began to ?take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were
> several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
> >
> > ?************************************
> >
> > At the ?beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
> and slightly deaf ?female patient's anterior chest wall. ? ?"Big
> breaths," I instructed.
> > "Yes, they used to be," the patient said sadly.
> >
> > ?**************************************
> >
> > One day I had to be the bearer of ?bad news when I told a wife that
> her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. ?Not more than five
> minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
>
> died of a "massive internal fart."
> >
> > *************************************
> > I was performing a complete ?physical, including the visual acuity
> test. ?I placed the patient twenty feet from ?the chart and began, Cover
> your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. ?"Now
> your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now ?both," I requested.
> There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.
> I turned and discovered that he had done exactly ?what I had asked.
> He was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too
> hard to finish the ?exam.
> >
> > ?****************************************
> > During a patient's two week ?follow-up appointment with his
> cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was ?having trouble with one
> of his
> medications.
> > "Which one?", asked the ?doctor.
> > "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every ?six hours
> and now I'm running out of places to put it!" The doctor had him ?quickly
> undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't see; the man had over
> fifty
> patches on his body. Now the instructions include removal of the old patch
> before applying a new one.
> > And you always wondered why instructions always seemed to state the
> obvious!
> >
> > *****************************************
> > While acquainting myself with ?a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
> long have you been bedridden?"
> > After a look ?of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about
> > twenty years, when my ?husband was alive."
> >
> > *****************************************
> > I was ?caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,"So how's your
> breakfast this ?morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
> I can't seem to ?get used to the taste," the patient replied.
> > ?I then asked to see the jelly ?and the woman produced a foil packet
> labeled "KY Jelly."
> >
> > ?*****************************************
> > ?And of course, the best is ?saved for last.
> > A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. ? She
> asked, "Do you have Viagra?"
> > ?"Yes," he answered.
> > ?She asked, "Does it work?"
> > ?"Yes," he answered.
> > ?"Can you get it over the counter?" she ?asked.
> > ?"I can if I take two," he answered.
>
